Wanting what others have

I had a really lovely long weekend- riding, no pressures of showing, no getting up early, just enjoying some pony time with Oats and hanging out with the critters and husband.

We went up to watch some showjumping at the local SSITS show on Sunday, and that’s when I felt it…A slight twinge of jealousy.

Do I even want to show jump? Not really! But what I do want is to compete Oats at bigger venues (even if sometimes the atmosphere trends to the rude and snobby, but let’s not go there right now) and I want to do well! UGH. Summertime is always the time of why not more? Higher? Better? It can be an ugly time of my expectations- wants- desires vastly outstripping my ‘actual’s…ie- ability, time management, money management, Oats behavioural skills, show nerves, anxiety.

I enjoyed watching the showjumping and went home, but can’t get the green-eyed monster of ‘what ifs’ out of my head.

So, I think my eventual goal is to try a hunter derby with Oats- and have fun with it! Do it at 2’3” if anything else scares me. Seek out that one fun class and try it out. Also, keep competing at the Appy shows until we’re bored at the 2’6” level, which is the highest they go to- it’s not a ‘real’ 2’6” as they are set a bit lower anyways. When I’m finished with those, I can re-calibrate my wants and desires, and see how they measure up to my real life.

This might mean bigger shows, but fewer of them. It might mean a switch to a different discipline at the same time, or keep doing a few different disciplines- dressage, baby jumpers, hunters/equitation.

I’m not in a rush, so why do I feel like I am every spring/summer/fall? Why can’t I be happy with what I have?

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