Comeback kid?

So I deliberately haven’t been updating my blog because I wasn’t happy with what I was writing (read: ALL ranting). Gosh, it was too much even for me! I don’t like being a black cloud. And it felt like my entire summer leading to fall was just so…Disappointing.

Dressage day. My friend did the braids, aren’t they cute?

But, as my counselor says, the path to enlightenment is long and sometimes hard. And once you’re on it, you can’t really get off it!

So, here is a recap of my season-ending horse show. And as a tale of two horse shows, it went well, and badly! Ha. I had two kind of lousy riding lessons the week before, back-to-back. They were technical and I just felt…Like I didn’t know how to ride anymore. That was a marked difference from my last show (CDRC that is) when I felt like I was on top of the world! Nothing could bring me down!

And now, I’m down. I felt deflated and uninterested in going. But I also didn’t want to bail on my friend, who I really enjoy showing with. Sooooooo…My headspace was kind of ambivalent. And I am not really an ambivalent person.

Saturday was dressage, and I was a bit anxious about it, because our last dressage outing, Oats was tense, anxious, gassy as heck and acting strangely. It worried me a lot! It was terrible. This time? Our first test sucked, he was distracted and tense through his neck/poll, but ok, fine. Our second felt lovely, enough though I forgot how to ride the counter-canter loop on the second pass and he swapped! Shit!! BUT the rest of the test was lovely, and I was super happy with Oats. We won the class with a 67%, which was very reasonable, and we were third in our first class with a 64%, which was fair. The judge was pretty tough, but I found my scores to be right in line. The classes were quite large! About 13 rides in Test 1.

Our jumping the next day, well…I was ambivalent as I mentioned, and it was pissing down rain the whole time. UGH. I so did not want to be there, getting soaked. Oats felt the same, I guess, because he stopped at SO many jumps. Shit!! Needless to say, we’ve had better, and quite frankly, been better prepared. I should have left my ego at the door and gone down a level, but I didn’t. So, I learned something more about myself and my horse- if in doubt, knock one down. There’s no harm in it.

Lessons learned, all!

Here’s to a more productive, learning September and fall. I guess it can only get better from here?

Cruel Runnings

This week was objectively much better than last! I’m feeling good, had my last day of shockwave and am now on a three-week trajectory to hopefully being able to run pain-free without flare-ups again, so why do I feel so ambivalent?

I just want this good feeling back! Plus I miss the nice weather…

I have a horse show this weekend, and my lessons this week have been so…awkward that I am starting to not look forward to riding in it. Weird eh?

We worked on some technical polework in my lesson Wednesday and while hilarious, it was definitely a challenge (Oats was convinced we were JUMPING and why did we have to canter each pole nicely? Why??)…And then in my lesson yesterday, I just felt so stiff and disconnected and annoyed with Oats, who in turn ALSO felt stiff and his canter felt more like a bunny hop than a canter…It was not great. Our steering was miserable, his canter felt bad, I got really backed off in the grid-pole exercise and couldn’t focus.

Kind of a deflating few lessons. I like having super great power lessons to leave me on a confident high before my shows, but this week? Ha, NOPE.

I came out of my ride yesterday not really feeling disappointed (look, polework is tough for both of us, and I just couldn’t get in to the rhythm!), but feeling extremely ambivalent about riding in the show tomorrow. I just wanted to scratch. Sigh…

But when I get down to it, my goals for the show aren’t really anything? I want to have a fun time with my friends, and enjoy the companionship with my horse. If anything, I had a fabulous few rides last week and the weekend with Oats, so why does the impending horse show throw me in such a tizzy? Am I letting the pressure of it get to me, even if my goal is pretty much- show up, don’t embarrass yourself and learn something good!

Trying to puzzle out why I’ve felt so stiff, awkward and blah this week! I fee Oh well… I’m going to ride tonight, and for me the hardest thing about riding is to enjoy it and not make it a ‘workout’ for me and the horse. Tonight will be a test for me- can I be fair about it, and just cruise?

 

Another one bites the dust! (Almost!)

Clobbered the jump. Lesson to all- don’t jump ahead! 

Had a VERY close call with falling off in my jump lesson yesterday, but you know what? I was proudest of the fact that even though my ass ended up above the saddle on his neck, barely clinging on, I regrouped, got my head straight, and went out and RODE it. Competently and quietly.

Now that’s more like it! 

Ok it was a little bit ‘Oats/Jesus take the wheel!’ but hey, we did it! It was definitely a challenge, mentally and physically, for both Oats and myself. Maxed out height for us, a triple combination, going downhill into the setting sun. Not easy for us, likely easy for others! Though don’t ask me to ride a whole course after that, ha. I was spent!

It felt easy when we did it with small jumps,and then sure, put ’em up. GULP! 

The course itself rode really well, I was feeling really glad about it, but I know that I was in my mind starting to get amped about heading to the combination, as it was the final few fences on course.

As we rounded the corner, I started gunning Oats and went to jump up his neck, and he went NOPE! Guess again!

And I had to cling on, haha.

Luckily he is as honest as a summer day, so we gathered ourselves, and headed back out. I’m just really enjoying my horse. I learned the other day that my sister’s rabbit died (peacefully, in her sleep enjoying a snooze in the backyard) and I was surprised about how I almost cried when I read about it. I just can’t imagine losing another animal, and part of me grieves in advance for when I have to make that heartbreaking decision, or see it happen to one of my darling critters.

I remember when I almost lost Oats to a serious choking accident.

Even at his worst after that, every day is golden. Lucky to be here. Horse shows, jumps, dressage shows, they’re all bonuses. My chances to ride him, and enjoy him, are what really matter.

go Oats go!! 

I do still want to work on my bravery, challenge, keeping my butt out of the saddle, improved straightness and leads. So many things! But I feel good and confident that we can do it. He’s my boy.

So majestic! 

 

Burn you up: Mr. Oats is a great pony

Had my regular jump lesson last night, and wowza it was warm at the barn, particularly in the outdoor arena. The sun was going down, but not near quick enough so it was quite hot for horses, riders and our trainer. Still, it was a lovely night and there’s no place I would rather be….Basking in the warm (sweaty) glow of working hard in partnership with my best pony, Oats.

From last fall. When you ride it well, it goes well. 

Again I felt kind of complainy, that I didn’t know how to ride properly. I get strangely backed off and tentative/hesitant in the outdoor and get too conservative with my release with my body. It’s ok body, you know what to do! So do it! I told Nicole that I wanted to stop ‘letting the jumps happen’ and actively RIDE to each jump, and make them happen. Basically change from passive to active. Easier said than done, but heyyy it was a good ride regardless.

Oats was moving well but his -super bad and half changes- were not even a thing. I was feeling like I kind of had to really muscle him to switch leads, again, strange but I’m going to chalk it up to the harder footing and maybe him feeling a tad stiff.

On course we had some really nice fences, and some not-so-nice ones, but on the whole I focused on riding more boldly, changing things that needed to be changed, and riding TO and OVER each jump, rather than sitting, waiting and hoping. I need to feel more connected to my horse, rather than just floating on top of him, waiting.

Of course, the first fence we rode to on-course he…Stopped. Ha. It was a balance between ‘sitting’ and ‘riding’ and I just kind of…didn’t? Oats is a very honest pony, and not a stopper. I think he kind of just needed input from me, and I wasn’t there to provide it.

From last summer- I hope to be feeling this confident again in the outdoor! 

No worries though, I circled, re-presented and he was fine. The rest of the course rode pretty well, with a few uglier jumps going downhill (the swapping lead thing kind of hit us hard), but we finished with a really lovely ride over the roll-top. YES! Go pony go!!!

“Not Much Rhymes With Everything’s Awesome At All Times”

Had a jump lesson, and contrary to my title- it was HARD. It was not easy, it was a challenge and it was not pretty.

Some days you ride better without hands.

We bungled, we stopped (so many times!) we weaved awkwardly, we ‘half jumped’ over a skinny, we stopped some more, I got left behind, I jumped ahead- pretty much every single cardinal jumping sin, we did. Repeatedly.

To be fair, the course was very tricky and quite technical. It had a ton of elements (multiple jumps on a circle. Jumping skinnies on a circle. Inside turn. Bending lines. Anndd trot fences).

These all exposed mine and Oats’ weak spots in glaring technicolour.

So we had to break down the course multiple times and work on one element, say a trot skinny, SO many times because it was just that hard for us. He stopped when I was too hard with my hands, so I had to jump one-handed a few times. He ran out of a skinny when I ‘wasnt’ sure’ about my line. He wasn’t very forgiving with me even though the jumps were TINY- all 2ft and under.

But- this allowed me to do something I almost never do. Get over it!

Bungled this? Move on. Jumps came up too fast to dwell, and they were not high or frightening to jump anyways.

Mistakes? Yes oh yes. But, good points too!

Did it make me nervous? No actually. I did get frustrated but was able to kind of laugh it off and think hard- how am I going to fix this? Not- I’m never going to fix this. I can, and I will, and I did.

I was able to problem-solve, figure shit out, and get on with my ride.

I guess it helped that the course had 21 jump efforts in it?!! And I had to keep on my toes thinking ahead at all times. I was EXHAUSTED after. Holeeeee crap. And we got tired and I bungled the last line so we had to do it again. Still kind of bungled, so AGAIN. And the third time was the charm! Rode perfectly.

I was huffing and puffing, Oats was huffing and puffing.

What a ride. From super awkward and clumsy, mistakes & stops to a near- clean round with some really good technical efforts. I guess sometimes the good lessons aren’t the ones where everything went perfectly, it’s the ones where you screwed up, the horse screwed up, and you got over yourselves and made it happen anyways.

Past me would NEVER be ok with this. Current me is.

SSITS Avalon Derby-Cross: Show recap!

I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying. –Michael Jordan.

So, my show recap is mixed. It was at once a great success and good memories, overcoming challenges, and at the same time kind of a bummer and a disappointment. So, with my quote from the great MJ, I’ll start with the recap.

We trucked up-Island on a rainy Saturday, leaving late from the barn. I had butterflies in my stomach ALL day- ones that barely abated even when I ran 14km with my husband in the morning. Too much time= a problem for me. Oats loaded up great, we packed everything up and headed out. The Malahat was rough going and absolutely pouring rain. It looked pretty grim…

Soon I hope to have photos of the Derby!

There was kind of a negative energy rolling around, some people had some personal things on the go that were troubling them. I feel like I can be quite sensitive to that, particularly when I’m feeling on-edge as it is. Nevertheless, we got there fine despite the hard rain.

We tacked up, it was a monumentally confusing warm-up for us–we had a newcomer to the grounds with us, it was raining, wet, late, and we were very confuddled. Finally, things started to resolve and we headed out to the field. Oats was up up up! But, he settled pretty nicely, the rain started abating a bit, and we jumped. He was fabulous up until the log jump, when he slammed on the brakes. Ok, so that surprised him. We worked back up to it and he was lovely!

We then moved to the other field- it was a loooong course for me at 12 jumps and long flowing approaches- and I had some more trouble with him stopping at a brightly coloured fence with flowers. Not gonna lie, it really rattled me. We worked through it and after hanging out for a bit, Nicole encouraged me to go try again to really ‘cement’ the jumps in my brain and Oats was 100%- which made me feel way better. I felt like effing Ian Millar!! Whoop!!!

And then we were camping, and there was some sad horse drama….Oats was being a dink to the other horses penned nearby, which was irritating…But the really bad news? My fellow rider’s mount (my trainer’s horse) had a cut on her leg that developed back into her chronic lymphangitis…She was pawing at night, and we didn’t realize how bad things had gotten. Shit!!! In the morning, her leg was blown up, she was exhausted and not sound. My fellow camper/rider had to scratch. How terrible, given her lovely and very competent warm-up. I was sure her first Derby experience would be a great one, and then this happens? UGHHH.

So, the morning sure did not start off well…But the show must go on.

Sunday our first course at .70m- I was really nervous, eek- was fantastic! It wasn’t perfect but Oats was totally honest, I was feeling good and for awhile we even held the high score (at 78) for the round! It was a real thrill to hear my name as the leader for a few rounds. The classes were really big- over 16 riders? So I eventually got bumped down to 4th and finished in that place. I was beyond thrilled! I believe the winner had a good 10 points or more on me at 88 I think. I did miss an opportunity to get a score of 80…sigh.

Here is the link to the photographers: I LOVE the ones of Oats and I will be ordering some prints!! Maybe this one? 

Of course then I kind of started not wanting to ride my second and third courses, and mentally started backpedaling a bit. My second round, I started out pushing Oats quite hard- one of my biggest struggles with him is getting more forward, and I lost the plot at the 9th fence- the smallest one on course, and jumped up his neck- he refused the jump and I fell over his head (again!! ugh!). I was totally fine, but really bummed…

I knew that I wasn’t feeling mentally prepared to go out and make it happen with Oats – for some reason it was taking a lot of energy from me to be focused and ride well enough to get him going. So, Nicole suggested my friend, who was just there to watch, handle my 3rd class and get Oats really revved up and through to the jump-off. She put on our fellow rider (who’s horse scratched) breeches, boots, helmet and my number and was ready to rock!!

They did so well too! They achieved the jump-off goal- with Oats, who is NOT fast, a feat in itself! Sadly they had a stop in the jump off so out of the ribbons, but I was so happy to see Oats end on that note too.

So there we have it–a day of many mixed emotions. I have to give great kudos to the young rider who had to scratch. She handled it with great maturity, when I would have pouted like crazy. Even after I fell off and was feeling sorry for myself, she said hey, at least you get to ride! And that made me realize how lucky I truly was. She was 100% right.

🙂

Let me introduce my friends

Another stolen title from the Swedish supergroup I’m From Barcelona. I just love their titles!

Mr. Handsome.

I am overdue a bit for a jump lesson recap. And the recap? I am getting my wings back! Nicole had set up a very twisty-turny jump course that we did certainly struggle with, but I felt way better than I have for a month and a half- my slump time apparently. My confidence grew even though it did not go perfectly. My trust in my horse is coming back- not 100%- I don’t think I am built that way, but it is coming.

We worked a few single elements of the course as a warm-up, and then approached the 10-jump course. I learned that I need to GO STRONGLY!! instead of kind of wimping out. The ‘GO’ button is a big one and it really helps me.

Also I noticed I am way more comfortable being allowed to add and managing a short distance vs a long distance. Phew!

A snapshot of the course. We jumped allll of these and yes- it was very twisty!

It was really fun and I even wanted to do it a second time and strangely felt GOOD about doing it a second time. I even hit the gas so hard Nicole said I was riding it like a jump-off and I need to learn to moderate my pace a little better…not just GO! That is true, haha. It’s just that going fast felt so fun!

We bungled a few things but man, it was just..better. Much better.

I am seeing my setback in a few ways, and I am following a process to climb out of my trench. Here’s what is working:

• Don’t try to jump back directly to the height/complexity you were before the setback. That is discouraging.
• Take a lesson on another horse and jump that horse. It is so eye-opening and removes a lot of the emotional weirdness that you have with your horse and drama/issues jumping.
• Don’t jump your horse right away after this lesson. Let it marinate for a bit.
• Start jumping your horse again after and realize how much fun your horse is to jump. Make a series of mistakes where he saves you (ok, maybe don’t do this, but it kind of worked for me to see that he is still a solid citizen).
• Jump your horse starting with low jumps, and work on a crazy twisty-turny course. Get pumped up!
• Throughout all of this, continue taking dressage lessons, and every single ride- work on forward, and cantering over a pole to find your distance. Every ride.

So..Here I am, after six weeks of ‘weird’. Am I back on track? I hope so! Am I enjoying my ride? Yes. 100% yes.

Stay gone

So, after my spectacularly grouchy rage-flounce on Friday, how did the weekend go?

Well, fine I guess.

I spent Friday in a determined angry funk. Saturday was ok, nothing amazing happened and all of the events that got cancelled on Friday stayed cancelled, so I didn’t really do too much anyways.

I did go on a short run with my husband in the late afternoon Saturday- we did some hill work, which was pretty good, cold but good. Oats was fun to ride, though my shin took a beating when we misjudged a turn and took out a jump with my leg…Ouch! Have a bruise on there now, hahah.

Some light jumping, nothing too fancy, also some no-stirrup work which has me feeling pretty righteous actually!

Missing tail!

Sunday- I came to the barn and to my ultimate dismay…Oats IS MISSING half his tail??!! ARGH. His neighbour horse-friend, Jim, is eating his freaking tail. ARGHHHHHHHH. It looks so goofy now. I talked it over with Jim’s owner and we will be addressing this with fencing when she has the $$ to put into more fencing. In the meantime…She braided his tail to keep it away from hungry hungry Jim, and I had my friend Emma braid it last night when I saw it had come loose again. Maybe move to keep it in a tail bag next? SIGH.

Close up of tail.

Oats also got a bit of jump torture on Sunday as well. I had a wild desire to jump the mounting block, so I set it up like a big arrow, and jumped him both ways–with the arrow, and against the arrow-head. He was quite amenable to jumping it with the arrow, but against it? WELL. He was very perplexed! He wiggled, wobbled, stopped. Was quite sure that this was wrong! This is not a jump!

Jump the mounting block? Sure!

I coaxed him over the arrow-head at a trot twice, and let him canter it in the direction he was most comfortable with–I wanted to leave it on a good note for a good pony. He did try hard, even though he was very confused with what I was asking him, haha.

Um, no.

Last night I had another session with my equine counselor, and we confirmed that I am on the right track. She said I’m at maybe 50% right now, and with time will gain my confidence back, slowly. I am developing a level of body awareness that feels really cool though, and I’m giving myself chances to make the right choice for me. Sometimes that means bowing out of jumping the course a second time, or maybe I do it, but I acknowledge how it makes me feel.

More and more, I feel like I can make things happen when I am riding, I have agency. They do not just ‘happen’ to me anymore. The great distances I’ve been getting? Making that happen by allowing Oats to move forward more freely. Basically, managing will be the name of the game and I will have to work on maintenance with this issue.

I love it, weirdly. I am creating my reality, rather than letting it steamroll over me as a victim.

Making it at the MANE EVENT!!

Finally, it was the weekend. We left fairly early on Friday to catch the Jim Wofford clinic at Chilliwack’s Mane Event and boy, he did not disappoint!

And they’re off!

Fresh off my lesson Thurs- quick recap, I can’t quite remember exactly what we did, but we did have a 2’3” oxer and it kind of scared me, we jumped it very nicely once, then I under-rode to a gentle stop by Oats, and then rode it well again…And a small bounce exercise, a green box skinny, and an x-rail on a circle that rode very nicely – historically a struggle point for me and Oats. Overall, quite nice, but I did have some nerves…

So, I was primed to learn something from the famous Jim Wofford himself. And what did I learn, from his gymnastic exercises with the upper-level group?

Rubbing shoulders with Jim Wofford- the man has a great sense of humour!

• Look at the top rail of the fence until it disappears under you. This includes parallel oxers too!
• For bounce exercises, ignore the placing rail. Focus on the top rail of the first jump.
• Don’t start looking ‘through’ the exercises. One jump at a time! Riders and horses get into trouble when they start ignoring the first jump and stare through the exercises.
• Let the horse make the mistake, you don’t need to make it for them.
• Hitting a rail generally punishes the horse, you don’t need to punish. Reward them for a good effort on the next go-around, you will find they have fixed it! (sidenote- I’m bad for rewarding in the moment, need to get better about this).
• He had a lot of riders riding with fairly loose contact, some with driving rein hands to correct hand use/placement. Let the horse be independent, thinking.
• For drifters- take off your left leg if he drifts right. Then make your right leg stronger. Doesn’t work? You can add in guide poles.
• The key is usually less is more. Ie- don’t use a martingale at home, fix what is wrong at home first. Don’t be the first to rush to more aids, artificial aids.
• Only the elbows move for bounces.
• Shoulders back, sitting up, no ‘posting’ at the canter.
• Hands lower.

We watched a lot of his sessions, and I came away slightly intimidated – these were seriously good riders- and inspired as well. I want to try some of those exercises with Oats, the corner jump (we have done this before and he was fine with it), the ‘squeeze’ jump- now that looks interesting, and maybe a mini triple-bar or hogsback? So many good options to make jumping exciting and challenging.

I also took the opportunity to do some shopping…Too much shopping! Highlights included getting Grand Prix Vegas breeches for $50, Spooks stretch jacket for $150, Tailored Sportsman ‘Anaconda’ belt for $5, and a Toggi Equestrian long-sleeved t-shirt for $5 too. A steal!

I also got a lot of samples for Oats for treats- nutritional supplements, alfalfa cubes, treats, and some hay for Buster Bunny in a freezer ziploc bag. Score!

We also enjoyed a dressage session taught by Kristen Wysocki, and the Trainer’s Challenge featuring Sonny Gargulio, David Simons, and Glen Stewart. Glen Stewart in particular was a real class act, lovely to watch and a true horseman. Not sure who ended up winning- we were at the Jim Wofford Q&A session- but it was a real treat to watch.

The ‘equine experience’ at night was stunning as always, with fabulous performances by the Coastal Cowgirls on Vancouver Island – maybe I am a bit biased but I think their drill team performances were the slickest! They even had spins, and everything! One accident happened- not like last year when horses collided, but this time a horse spooked, the rider fell off and dislodged the flag she was carrying. It got caught in the horse’s breastplate! We  all gasped and held our breath…But it was ok, it got removed and the horse/rider were fine to mount and continue.

Guess it’s not the genuine experience if there isn’t at least one hair-raising moment! On that note there were these young girls- the ‘Young Gunz’ and their performances were genuinely terrifying but very well done. My heart was in my throat!

As always, Mane Event is something we look forward to every year. I’m inspired to go try some new fun things with Oats and I can’t wait to show off my new awesome riding gear!

You owe each other nothing

I said to my trainer yesterday that I felt so thankful that I was able to have a great cross-country experience with Oats. And it’s true- I was so grateful!

And in the same lesson yesterday, I also said I still felt backed off, anxious and this weird ‘I don’t know how to jump’ mind-blank when I go into a lesson, or are warming up for one, or are watching someone else have a jump lesson. It’s like my brain goes into a blank state where I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

And the thing is that it always passes.

And I DO know what I’m doing!

So why the brain- body disconnect? Damned if I know, but I do know it is mostly stress related, haha. And we worked with it, and I got over it. We cruised over a tiny cross-rail until it felt good (sneaky note here- it felt good every time actually). And then a small x-rail over the liverpool, and then the two x-rails to a small vertical. Over and over.

Then, a small line consisting of an oxer to the ‘road closed’ jump.

Pic from last year of the ‘road closed’ jump- yes my tongue is sticking out! Photo courtesy of Christi.

And that went flawlessly too (well, we jumped very nicely but wobbled through it BIGTIME the second time, because Oats somehow thought that since we skipped the second jump in the line the first time, that he should start doing that again on autopilot…) so we had to go around and do it again, straighter, haha.

And it felt perfect.

We then worked over a course, and yes it definitely wasn’t flawless like some of my warm-up lines, it was very good and very smooth. I did get left behind (twice?? oops!!) but Oats was meeting his strides well, even a bit too eager in the 5-stride outside line and we got in to the last jump too short! HA.

More pics from last year- the panel jump. Photo courtesy of Christi.

Oh and the ‘Oats on autopilot’ issue came back when he was locked onto a jump in a line we were doing…Except we were doing a broken line, not the regular line! I had to physically pull him away and focus on the jump to the left, not the jump directly in front of us, haha.

I always end feeling like yeah no problem man, and always start like I’m staring down at the fences at Spruce Meadows.

As always, a work in progress. But Oats was jumping very nicely and was a super game little ponykins for me. Good boy–and I appreciate his ‘can-do’ attitude! He was so chill.