A new year? (somehow keeping it going)

I don’t feel particularly hopeful, but I guess some hope is better than no hope right? My NYE was good and a terrible disaster. I had to work a bit late, was at the stables rehabbing Oats a bit late, and then drank wayyyyyyy too much in an effort to catch up on the so called ‘good times’ featuring a party of two- me and my husband.

NOT so jolly anymore…

After about 3 daiquiris, I thought it would be a great idea to open up a bottle of really nice sparkling wine. Narrator’s overtone: IT WAS A BAD IDEA.

So I ran in the new year listening to fireworks over the sound of my own torrential vomit. Yay? And the fun continues! Not content with suffering a night of misery, I then began vomiting anew in the morning. I had to rehab Oats and it was just a struggle to sit upright without puking. I puked in my sink.

My husband drove me to the barn and tacked Oats up, while I sat miserably on a chair nearby. He did struggle with the many buckles and straps and gates and halter and chains and boots, so I stepped in. And good thing I brought my helmet down to the arena! Oats took GREAT offense to him sitting heavily in the saddle (after mounting from the wrong side…) and immediately tried to turf him off by bucking at the halt! Yikes! I had visions of my mom falling off like a sack of potatoes and shattering her humerus, so I gingerly sloshed over to him and grabbed the reins. Oats chilled, husband was ok, so we led them around for a bit and then he couldn’t get Oats to walk indepdendently, so I hopped on and sloshed away for the rest of the ride.

Proud to say I didn’t puke but it wasn’t pretty. Yeeesh.

So, that is the story of how I am taking the month off January from alcohol. It made me too sick, it is very expensive, and I don’t like how puffy and gross my face is looking recently due to my overindulging. Time to change!!!

It’s not a secret unless it hurts you to keep it

Oats is lame, and this time it’s not a ‘oh just a big abscess’ sigh of relief. He is REALLY lame, and it looks serious, and it felt serious. And I also feel like I caused it.

From this, last weekend…

He went kind of off on Thursday. I got to the barn early to set up some jumps in the field (love jumping in the field!!) and prepare for my Thursday lesson, which is my dressage lesson but to keep Oats fresh and interested, we do some jumps here and there too, mixed in.

To this, this weekend. FML. 

When I got Oats into the cross-ties, my heart sank, a bit. I saw his right hind ankle/pastern was very slightly swollen. I knew that this meant he was very likely lame, and I was right, unfortunately. I took him down to the field, hopped on, walked around to warm up and trotted…BAM. Head-bobbing lame on the right. Pretty good on the left though.

We both saw it, I definitely felt it, and I hopped off to cold hose & wrap his leg. It wasn’t that bad, the swelling and everything, so on Friday I decided to saddle him up and ride him, see if a day off made a difference (he was not turned out at all). He was ok, about 80% there so I could sense ‘some’ change but nothing that bad. We did light w/t/c and slowed to a walk, I was going to hop off and everything changed in 1 instant. He stumbled, HARD, and almost went down.

He was instantly, seriously, lame.

Game over for us. 😦

With my friend facing a recent, terrible lameness episode (that will take up to 2 years of rest/rehab) to resolve, it’s fair to say I am on an absolute hair trigger. Oats has a vet appointment on Thursday and every single day I play a miserable waiting game. This summer has been just terrible.

When your life feels like a loss

Happy 11th anniversary to my husband, and 10th anniversary to my horse Mr. Oats!

11 years ago, we had summers! 

I truly wish we could just fast-forward this year. 2020 has just been one long chain of sucking. It started with a little trickle (for example, I was weirdly put out by the MEC races cancelling…and then boom! No more races at all, for the foreseeable future). How little I knew then, eh? How much I know now, sadly. 😦

I am very fortunate that Oats’ sudden lameness can be traced to an old existing abscess that lurked under the surface of his left hoof for months, apparently? All those really random, minor lamenesses he had a few months ago can be traced directly to it! Weird eh? But PHEW that is pretty minor in the grand scheme of things.

So, he gets treated with his poultice, Bute and a boot until *something* happens this time! I am super relieved.

Otherwise, we don’t get summer here anymore, so it’s been absolutely freezing, rainy, windy, grey and just miserable. Yay…

I can’t muster up any real cheer or celebration, just mostly low lying, existing dread for what comes next. This is probably what situation depression feels like?

Welcome to 2020. This is your year, right?

So we are on the eve of the new year and wondering if 2020 will really be better? I guess when I get grouchy and tally up the never ending list of injuries, sicknesses and complaints I have about 2019, then I’m SURE 2020 will be better. But…none of it was permanent (not really), and so what am I complaining about?

Riding a HIGH! 

Well, I wish my running had executed better- I had a fabulous race season last year, culminating in winning my age group (I NEVER take this for granted- it’s a tough crowd for sure, and I am 100% an amateur slouching jogger). I was riding a high when I won my first race – the very small MEC Royal Roads Half Marathon in May 2019. It felt fantastic!

And then, I guess when you go up high, you fall even further. I distinctly remember bragging to a friend about how I ‘never need to take rest days’ when we had both signed up for a marathon training group. This was it! I was going to race a marathon in the fall, the Okanagan Sunrype Marathon, and qualify for Boston!

……..

Until I immediately got injured for oh, the rest of the summer. It started with a weird twinging in my shins, inside just above my ankle bones. When it started hurting, I started wondering WTF it was but I didn’t really have to wonder for long- that same week I tripped over an unmarked hose going across a sidewalk that the construction crews were using, and face-planted quite dramatically into a curb. I slid for about a foot on my stomach, and wound up splitting my lip, gravel in my teeth, and a few scrapes and a banged up left shoulder (for the fourth time…my freaking shoulder.)

It definitely hurt- a lot! But my stress fractures were getting even worse, so for once I was glad that I looked so terrible on the outside. It matched what I felt on the inside.

Those wounds healed amazingly fast, which was funny because my shin splits and stress fractures sure didn’t. Oats was also lame the same week that I face-planted and developed shin splints, and we had to scratch out of the biggest show of the year for us. A cursed week (the week after my birthday). This also spearheaded a few months where I lost confidence in myself, my horse and my own body.

I tried and tried to run for oh, the next three months and never could- It felt like someone was grabbing my leg and pulling really hard. I had trouble walking for a bit too.

Ow, my leg…The success of shockwave was undeniable though! 

At the same time, I had been struggling with some pretty severe abdominal pain and cramping, for oh, 1. 5 years…I finally got it addressed this summer by having my Mirena removed, going back on Seasonale, and felt some blessed relief! I also still have an abdominal ultrasound scheduled in a few weeks, that I had to reschedule because I had the flu when I was supposed to have the appointment…

The next day- it healed really well! 

And that takes me to the fall, where I was kind of bummed about dropping out of the marathon but realistically I knew there was NO WAY I could run it. I had started back running for oh…1  or 2 weeks when the marathon started. I ran the 10k and placed third! (really shouldn’t have, but it was not a competitive field, ha), and my husband ran the marathon and did really well! I was so jealous!

I rode Oats in a horse show and it just…eh. We had a few very inconsistent shows, where he felt weird and I felt really angsty.

Our fabulous roll ended abruptly by getting disqualified from our jumper rounds at CDRC for too many refusals. A very harsh contrast to the fun and happy success of the July show there indeed! And a good cap to what had really become a shitty, miserable season.

At least we looked cute??

I also ran the MEC Halloween half marathon and finished it, happily. It was extremely humbling, running 10 minutes slower and only being back to running for oh…Three weeks? But I did it.

And then I bumbled along, getting screwed by fate again when I proclaimed loudly at work that I ‘NEVER take a sick day!’ …Yeah you guessed it. I immediately got the flu for three effing weeks. I had to sit around at home on the couch feeling miserable for 5 days. A lot of sick days that week…It took forever to shake that sickness and incredible fatigue and weakness/exhaustion.

Finishing my longest run in 4 months! 

And then when I did get to take some time off, blessedly at Christmas, I went for a run and was really enjoying myself, blasting along and tried a little sprint at the end of a solid 20k run- and BOOM! My kneecap instantly had excruciating pain under it.

I limped home and limped around for the next effing week. I kind of knew it was not that serious, but damn it hurt and I still have trouble with stairs (going down in particular) AND now I am terrified of running fast or whatever. Why am I so fragile?

Merry Christmas to me>>???

And a happy New Year??

I feel like my resolution is this: Never make bold proclamations ever again, because this year they clearly bit me in the face. UGH.

Want a weekend do-over

I feel like this whole weekend (ok, mostly just Saturday, but Sunday had a challenge as well) was the Universe just shitting on me. The whole day Saturday,  I was like, oh ok, so what next, Universe?

Am I exaggerating? Well, let’s hear what happened to me exactly on Saturday:

I woke up Saturday to wine flooding my front closet… had to clean it up, it soaked shoes, wall, internet modem. The place smelled like a freaking brewery, and I was greeted to it when I walked downstairs in the morning…stick-stick…hmm why is the floor sticky? Oh right…. Shit! 

Spent the morning mopping up wine, and then went downtown before riding to pick up some stuff, and a bib number for my race on Sunday and it started pissing down rain…i was rushed, and ran around a corner and SLAMMED into a wrought iron garbage can.Bounced off it, hurt my leg. Literally a ‘BONGGGGG’ sound when I ran into it. EFffff! 

After that, went riding, and Oats had a big oozing cut on his leg- thankfully not lame. But still, something I have to clean and watch out for! It was just pouring rain at the barn. 

In the evening, Ian and i went downtown to see John Wick 3, *and it did not disappoint!  and walking to the theatres, I slipped in a PILE of dog shit. Yay, thank you Universe- a literal pile of shit. So, how my day has been going right? Bingo. And it even gets better~ While I was trying to clean my shoe on the grass, I look back and Ian is literally getting grabbed by the front of his sweater and screamed at in the face by a very aggressive crackhead who just kept screaming in Ians face about rape?? it was scary.

The crackhead was totally psychotic!!! Ironically I was telling Ian that I avoid that corner because there are always crackheads and crazy people who are howling at the moon- and what do you know, the Universe heard me and all of a sudden one is assaulting my husband?!!!!

UGH🤔 I am over it. Just…terrible. I deserve a weekend- do over!

Don’t buy Kashi Joi Energy Nut Butter Bars: They suck! A review.

A review that I wish I didn’t have to write- overwhelmingly negative one about one of my favourite food items- nut butter + chocolate+ granola bar. What can go wrong? I mean, it looks great right?

Jess (who is my gym sister and gets the granola bar thing almost too well) got me the new Kashi Joi Energy Nut bar in chocolate espresso and I was soooooo excited to try it. Yum my favourite things, almond nut butter, chocolate, espresso, nuts!! Just like one of those amazing Clif Nut-butter Filled Bars – and I LOVE those ones, they are incredible. I took a big bite of the new bar and literally gagged in surprise. Wha? It was more than horrible it was appalling.

Bitter, gritty, chemical aftertaste? Gagggg.

I actually unwrapped it to examine what exactly was so wildly offensive about this bar. I have eaten a lot of granola bars/energy bars…A lot. And while there aren’t many winners, there aren’t really any losers either, they’re just ok. But this one is actively bad. I saw on the bar it had these clumps of what I can only assume is ‘nut butter’ in these strange greasy little pockets, not well blended into the bar and not ‘nut-butter filled’ like my fav Clif bars. Just..there, and greasy and pretty tasteless. Ever tried icy squares by St. Moritz? Yeah, that, but with less flavour. Ick!

The bar itself had ground up coffee beans and boy did it taste like it. Gritty, bizarre and I felt like I needed to brush my teeth after eating because the mouthfeel and flavour was so offensive. Coffee breath? More like coffee mouth after eating it. Yuck!

To be completely unbiased and fair, I did buy the banana-chocolate nut energy bar last night to see if it was just the chocolate-espresso one that was so terrible. Big.Mistake. I took one bite and left it with a note for Ian- You can eat this, I hate it!!!

It tastes exactly the same as the miserable espresso chocolate one. Right now to the weirdly gritty mouthfeel, extremely bitter/chemical aftertaste and gross greasy pockets of ‘nut butter’ ha yea right. How????

Leave this one on the shelf, friends–it’s Joi-less. Your tastebuds and calorie budget will thank you. Next time Jess, we’ll stick with Clif!!

The bar itself had ground up coffee beans and boy did it taste like it. Gritty, bizarre and I felt like I needed to brush my teeth after eating because the mouthfeel and flavour was so offensive. Coffee breath? More like coffee mouth after eating it. Yuck!

To be completely unbiased and fair, I did buy the banana-chocolate nut energy bar last night to see if it was just the chocolate-espresso one that was so terrible. Big.Mistake. I took one bite and left it with a note for Ian- You can eat this, I hate it!!!

It tastes exactly the same as the miserable espresso chocolate one. Right now to the weirdly gritty mouthfeel, extremely bitter/chemical aftertaste and gross greasy pockets of ‘nut butter’ ha yea right. How????

Leave this one on the shelf, friends–it’s Joi-less. Your tastebuds and calorie budget will thank you. Next time Jess, we’ll stick with Clif!!

Once upon a hell of a time: MEC race #3 The Pace Setter recap

Even writing this, a day or so later, makes me cringe. Jesus, what WAS I THINKING? Let’s put it this way- sometimes race times don’t tell the whole story. This race was 2:10, my personal worst time, and boy, the worst race I have ever foolishly attempted.

Clearly, my ego has more stamina than my body.

Background of the race- Hatley Castle. Photos by MEC.

As I mentioned earlier, I made the (stupid and ill-advised) decision to run the half marathon the day after the Sooke Saddle Club, in the heat (hot for here, 28 degrees) with a raging head cold and exercised-induced asthma. I know enough that I just knew this was a bad idea, a really bad one.

Three friends walking to the race. Photo by MEC.

I was joking around with my husband safely ensconced on our patio the night before with a glass or three of wine that my goal was to just NOT DIE. Newsflash- so I am a fortune teller, because that’s the way I spent the entire race feeling: close to death.

I also drank more wine to chase away my fears that what I was doing was dangerous and stupid and yeah….What could it hurt at this point? (Jury’s still out on that but I still like wine, so). Anyways, I was pretty beat after the horse show. I was jumping off Oats to blow my nose furiously, and overnight had developed quite the hacking gross cough that kept me up pretty much all night too. Lovely.

Fueling with a gel. I should have known how bad it was going to be…Photo by MEC.

The morning of the race felt warm. Stomach-wise, I was feeling pretty good which should have been a warning sign of impending doom. I drank a bit of water, had some coffee, and met up with a friend running the 5k. I joined in with the warm-up routine and found my legs felt, well…like lead. I had a few twinges of fear but pushed that away, telling myself that it’s always like that and then I settle really well. Um, no.

We were off, and I felt ok for oh..1km? By 3km I was in trouble, and a lot of it. My legs were on FIRE, burning so badly with lactic acid I was wondering WTF was going on with them. I’m used to running pretty regularly??

This is a spectacularly hilly race, it starts off uphill, levels out a bit, and then has uphills on and off until one loooong downhill, to a really long flat section right along the ocean (so picturesque! I wanted to die!!) and then a steep and long climb back to the start, where you do it all over again.

I knew after my trouble at 3k that I was going to suffer, and suffer mightily. By 5k, I was really worried. Even after the downhill, I was telling myself I was walking up the big hill. No worries on that though, because by 8k I was struggling. My asthma started flaring up, I coughed phlegm basically all over myself and was gasping and dramatically clutching my chest.

Yay.

I walked/staggered/jogged my way miserably up the hill, thinking “just make it to 10km” and the miracle of miracles, I did. So, I just…sort of…kept going? At that point, I was fairly sure I was going to collapse. I have fainted this year so I know the warning signs, I just wasn’t sure if it was going to be near a MEC volunteer or not…

So glad to be done. Photo by MEC.

Stupidly, I struggled on. I couldn’t run at that point- my legs weren’t responding, I was incredibly thirsty and every time I tried to attempt a run up something that wasn’t flat, my lungs were gripped in a clenched fist. So, I did what any dumbass runner who feels like giving up is impossible did- ran/walked the entire rest of the 2nd loop. And boy, did that take FOREVER. Enough time to want to cry anytime I saw a MEC volunteer.

I was in a real hell of my own making, and spending a lot of time in it, too. I couldn’t even run 1km, it was more like 100m of weak jogging, walk for awhile, and then try it all over again. Hell is also hot and doesn’t have enough Gatorade stops.

Surprisingly, I made it to the finish where I dramatically got my puffer from my husband, and felt like crying again. I was SO. BEAT. I wanted to crawl away and lick my wounds in private and pretty much never run, or at least race, ever again. EVER.

I was salty with sweat. I could feel it coating my face, my arms, my chest and my hat. We went home and I showered and slept for 2 hours. No race, ever, had bested me this badly before.

I sat on the patio, drank wine and contemplated my life choices for the rest of the day.

I guess I was overdue?

For a truly shitty ride? UGH! Last night I probably shouldn’t have ridden- there were a few omens on my way out, like a man popping out in front of my car and me not seeing him until the last minute (it’s so dark out at 4pm now, it’s crazy), a car deciding to turn left into my car- I slammed on the brakes and horn at the last second and avoided an accident…

Me this whole freaking week.

It was cold but Oats warmed up much fresher than Wednesday. I had his cooler on, and it took flight immediately off his back in…2 seconds? I didn’t even notice it was gone it flew off so fast! I had to go look for it after our ride, as it was pitch black out and the cooler is…also black.

Our ride started off promising- some nice canter work, moving better, still some stiff-headed resistance at the trot, but moving out. We worked over some poles and I noticed he wasn’t wanting to bend either direction, and wasn’t moving out off my leg very well, preferring instead to rush and speed off instead, so I slowed it down and started asking from the walk, for head-to-the-wall leg-yields.

He did his typical ‘ok this is fine fine fine fine and…NOT FINE’ hissyfit moments. Oats is like a horse at the mall- you put your quarter in, and you get only SO much time. After that? Your quarter is up, and STOP ASKING ME. So, yeah. It was fairly ugly and annoying. We worked through it on the left side, and one part of me reallllly didn’t want to repeat that struggle of wills on the right side, but anything you do on one side..YEah, I was in for a fun time.

Off the right, he moved over so fast. So fast. Like a butterfly! Zipping over…Until he started in with his big-time hissyfit moments, and he would NOT LET IT GO. I rode for what felt like hours, just trying to get him= sideways. He ran backwards, he gnashed his teeth, he threatened to rear, he pawed the air, he banged his head on the wall (multiple times?!!), he fussed, he fought, he complained, he yanked on the reins, he ran forward, backwards, he hopped up and down. UGHHHHH.

It was so horrible. And I was getting mad, too. Lose- lose.

I finally settled with letting him go forward, and then forcing his head over to the right using impulsion, and then pushing as hard as I could with my right leg. Sort of sideways? Done, reward him with letting him go forward again. Then repeat. Then repeat, and reward.

YEEEEESH. I have no idea what prompted his level of rudeness, but jesus he hasn’t been that miserable in about a year of lateral work. I have a real feeling he thought he was off the hook for ‘homework’ and took major offense to having to do it, after some fun times of cruising around over fences and poles.

Anyways, it sucked so hard. Let’s just take some brain-bleach and forget that shitty little episode…

A review I wish I didn’t have to do: Don’t go to the Hudson’s Bay Glamour Event, ever.

I’ve been busy attending a few events lately- as I mentioned, I went to the Hillside Night of Lights and found it fine, however too busy to really enjoy. I don’t love shopping with a huge crowd, and the appetizer system was lacking- but as I am learning, at least it was there? Wish I didn’t have to say that!

From the Hudson’s Bay event- world’s shittiest ‘glamour’ event.

My mom and I went to the Hudson’s Bay Glamour Night last night and I was really looking forward to it- it was going to be everything that the Hillside Night of Light wasn’t! Samples, some good snacks, checking things out, new styles, everything!

Except…It wasn’t.

It was so shitty, I am still laughing about it today. Dear god.

Here is the write up I posted to Facebook this morning- I don’t usually do bad reviews, and if it’s a free event then I figure, what the heck eh? But this is different. VERY different.

It was hilariously bad. A cold chocolate fountain, 1 desperate server with one tray of the hardest crostinis I have ever cracked a tooth on, and a thimble of Prosecco to try, and every part of the sham event was ‘Pay $50-$150 at Chanel/Lancome/Clinique etc- and try this service’??? No real samples or opportunities to try things out.

Oh and the lamest swag bag I have ever seen- a Y.A.M magazine (free everywhere), a bottle of Kirkland water, 1 Lindt chocolate ball, a few free perfume samples, and a $50 card to Academy Dental in Eagle Creek??

Much Glamour. So Fancy.

Does anyone want the Eagle Creek dental card? It’s yours!

I’m serious about the Eagle Creek dental card. You want it, it’s yours!

My mom and I got bored after 30 minutes of doing nothing, no food, no real ‘drinks’ to sample other than the tiny thimble, and went and let the front desk ladies know exactly what we thought of the ‘gala’ event. I know it’s not their responsibility- but they did refund us our money, which was nice. A girl behind us got her money back too!

I didn’t want my money back though, I wanted to have a nice time with my mom. Sigh…

The night wasn’t a total bust though, my parents are becoming crabbers so my mom brought two crabs for me to eat- and since I had the whole night, I steamed them and ate them with a salad. YUM!!!!!

Still, not worth missing a riding lesson for. Jesus.

Oh and on Monday Oats and I worked on counter-canter and he was really good for it. I was quite impressed- we are focused on the ‘try’ rather than how long I can keep it for, and he was picking it up fairly consistently. Good pony 🙂

And Oats gives me a heart attack

Got out to the barn last night and I was feeling pretty tired and unmotivated, I guess that’s what riding after my dressage lesson on Tuesdays gives me…But I’m not having my jump lesson tonight (other plans) and I have after-work plans on Friday night, so my jump lesson got moved to Saturday, so I haaaad to ride.

Yeah, right.

I guess Oats was feeling the exact same way, because when I got to the barn, I went to get Oats out of his shelter and he was LAYING IN HIS HAY MOANING>?!! And kind of biting at his belly???

Dear god. The only thing running through my mind was colic!

I got his halter on, tugged him up, and surveyed his shelter. Good poops, lots of hay, he ate his dinner. So what is going on? He walked fine next to me, slowly (he is an incredibly slow walker). Nibbled at grass. Gut sounds fine, gurgly, not deadly silent.

So, wtf?

He seemed fine, by all accounts? I panic-texted my friend Sarah, who assured me that if he was pooping, gurgling and nibbling at grass he was probably fine. And you know…He was.

I tacked him up, rode him around for a bit. He was good, but quite lethargic/tired (so was I, so I can’t blame him). My riding was pretty much terrible, and it’s only due to him being an absolute saint that he didn’t dump me off at an x-rail…Ha.

He even pooped during the ride and I inspected it closely, and it was good. (yeah I know, good poops. Who am I??).

My guess…Tired. He’s actually done this once before- last year I came upon him in his shed, laying in his hay, groaning. I almost had a heart attack then too! And he was even harder to pull to his feet?! But he was fine, acting normally, but very tired and sleepy.

Maybe this is his once-a-year weirdness? Anyways, it always scares the bejeezus out of me.

My other trainer thought it might be a fart. Hahaha.

I’m just glad he was fine, and that this pretty much only happens once a year. I don’t know what I would do without my little pony buddy!

He ate a licorice candy, and this time he was super not impressed with it. He ate it because there was nothing else, but kept sniffing at my hands and mumbling them with his lips to see if what I had in my hand was tastier!