Between the breaths

I had my dressage lesson on Thursday, and I was feeling apprehensive. Why is it that my rides are SO GOOD in my lessons, and then so….underwhelming, disappointing, frustrating on my own?

I mean look at this handsome boy, who wouldn’t love him?

So I did it. I owned up to my trainer and told her that I had been struggling, and how do I change it?

Well, firstly, she called me on my BS and said I needed to change my attitude and expectations first. I had a bad attitude about progress- wanting too much and accepting too little, ha. And that my rides previously were great chiefly because I had no expectations about them- they just ‘were’ and it was great!

From last summer- so nice! We’ll get there 🙂

It’s all true, isn’t it?

So we worked on developing a good, solid canter, one that I can take to a jump, or to a circle or anywhere. It felt really nice! And we also worked on a better mental state, one that accepts fluctuations in my ride and in my day. Can I accept that the day I come with a plan could get derailed? And be positive and kind about my ride? Yes, I definitely can.

And now I need to start!

My rides this weekend were great actually- not amazing, but solid, no-drama rides. Getting me and Oats where I needed to go. I only wanted to start the tension yesterday, and ended up letting it go, phew. Saturday I was actually in a pretty bad, amped up mood: I locked my keys and phone in the car at the feed store, fun fun. Ended up cooling my heels for awhile after I borrowed a phone to call the tow truck, and then a cool $70 to get it opened up! Shoot!

I was at the feed store to buy a fattening product for Oats, as he has been losing weight as an oldster who is getting back into work regularly now (four weeks, can you believe it??). He needs more help to address his weight, as I noticed in the past two weeks I had to put my girth up two extra holes on each side! Funny that I was so worried about him blowing up and getting chubby only a few months ago….Well, the work is good for him, and soon he will be back at his regular weight with a little extra help. Poor guy is getting skinny!

We also had our farrier appointment on Friday and he was well behaved, which is always a treat. 🙂

And me? My leg injuries are still giving me a lot of stress and trouble. Had another shockwave session on my left leg last week, which was excruciating, and had my hip tendon worked on (crunched the hell out of it squatting down at the barn and pulled it out, and it never went back in for weeks= pain and discomfort). So, hoping something works out for once?!!! Been now two months. Yay.

Not Myself

Having another ‘bummed, bummed, bummed, bummed’ day. The weather is GORGEOUS and amazing and I want to run and ride alll day in it, and yet I’m in the freaking doldrums right now? How? Why? How?

I was on top of the world!

Let’s start with my mysterious hip/groin/leg pain. Still there, still very painful. I ran home yesterday and it felt like my pelvic floor was going to fall out. Lovely. Because I am a stubborn bugger, I also ran to work today: More of the same. What’s that thing about insanity..something something? UGHHH.

I mean it! On top! (Photo courtesy of MEC Victoria).

I did go to the doctor’s today and it took forever but I have requisitions for an x-ray and blood test, both of which I am going to do this week. Round and round and round we go! What the diagnosis is, nobody knows!!

Things were going SO well! 

I missed my lunch workout, because of being at the doctors (yay…not.) but that’s ok, because I am in a terrible mood, still in some measure of pain (try standing on one leg to put shoes on, I dare you body!) and then got some more bad news re- husband. Man, when they pick a day to shit on you, they sure do pick the same day! (Not husband himself, just he got some crappy news and I feel bad for him, on his behalf).

Having just the BEST times! 

So…yeah. I am taking advil like it’s my actual job, and trying not to think angry thoughts about the world. I had a fantastic couple of months, so when the hits keep coming, I want to come back to those days when I was on top of the freaking world, instead of slowly being ground under it instead. Sigh.

This was like, as recently as last week too, hahah.
Dammit, how things change quickly!