Review time! The lesson here is that nothing is as good as Planter’s peanut butter

I have let my review food items pile up, and I’m eager to get back at them, aside from my regularly scheduled content that includes complaining about the wind and comparing peanut butters against my favourite, Planters (they always lose to Planters!).

Let’s start with a win, shall we? Gummy bunnies!

My dear friend gave this to me for Christmas and the girl knows me- they are delicious! Lovely to look at in a little lucite cube, and you know Easter is my favourite holiday too 😊 And I have heard of Sugarfina (their website is SOOOO tempting. Anyone else almost buy $150 worth of gummies??).

The green is a very distinct ‘green apple’ taste, juicy, a bit tart even in a gummy, a very stiff and yet still marshmallowy chew, it is a true pleasure to eat. The other flavours are notable as well but don’t stand out as well as the green apple bunny. Not pictured because I ate all of them too quickly! 😉

Pink bunny- lightly floral taste, a bit of tartness but nothing really compared with the green bunny. I couldn’t really place this flavour either- strawberry? Cherry? What other red or pink fruit could it be? It is tasty, but indistinct.

Yellow bunny- now, in fairness to yellow bunny, I don’t like yellow candies- the citrus taste seems to be a mockery. The only real citrus-flavour I love are grapefruit, encapsulated in layers of Trident layers gum…Ah, now THAT’s a flavour! (would anyone be surprised that I have written to Trident about their Layers gum??) This one is a bit weak- I can’t really tell which citrus fruit it is supposed to be- lemon I guess? It’s mild, sweet and chewy- what more do we want I guess?

And here is the loser, well ok two losers:

But first, a word here on disappointment. I went out to brunch last weekend at Paglicacci’s, and I like that place. But when you order an extra side of fruit for your meal, and they bring you… a ramekin of sliced oranges, that are probably the second half of the sliced oranges already on your plate? What kind of mediocre half-assery is that? Gee, thanks guys. I really wanted to pay extra for maybe one whole orange. Sheeeeesh.

Almost as disappointing as the Dan-D-Pak peanut butter I bought and I HATE IT. Too dark and the texture is gritty??? and weirdly greasy at the same time. Why add palm oil in great quantities to a nut butter that is EXTREMELY OILY??? I promise I won’t cheat on my dearest Planters ever again after that mess. Uck!

Anyways, from the country that brought us Skwinkles Salsaghetti, comes…drumroll please…

Pulparindo!

It looks like fruit leather, and it smells pretty bizarre- like fruit leather that was made in a tanning factory?? Anyways, first impressions aside I like tamarind flavour, and this was ‘extra spicy’ with salt. Oooh! Ian bought it for me from the Mexican store downtown- a great place to get corn husks for tamales, and stuff like that.

So looks and smell aside, how did it taste? Well, the tanning factory whiff was kind of a red flag…The taste is very strange. Crunchy (who eats crunchy fruit leather??), the salt had a strong ammonia salt flavour, and the tamarind taste was lost in the muddle of quite offensive crunch/grit, which was in every single bite. I found it extremely unpleasant, and maybe I should have known..Skwinkles aren’t exactly top-grade stuff either.. Anyways, I strongly recommend you avoid on this one. Ian also got me the ‘mango’ flavour which I have not tried yet, and probably won’t since he ended up finishing this one for me. Oh and was it spicy? Yeah, in another really bizarre way- it tasted like ketchupy-salsa spice? Ick. Don’t go there people, there are plenty of really fun and pleasant snacks to be found- like Rancheritos, yummm.

My reviews: Brio hard soda in ‘Chinotto’ flavour! In honour of B.C.’s newest tax on sugary drinks…

So, what would be the taxes on this guy?

Ian bought me this a few weeks ago, and I was intrigued. It’s alcoholic, an Italian soda, but what on earth is it? What is it flavoured with?

Take this journey with me…

“Brio hard soda vodka flavoured with Chinotto”

Yes, I was puzzled. But ready to tackle this flavour! (though at this point, I kind of wonder if my teeth are)

A few months ago I had an epic tooth chip thanks to a freaking stealth piece of olive pit – I had discarded the actual pit, and then broke a chunk off a molar with the leftover shrapnel, and I had to get a filling to cap the broken section off. FML.

THIS weekend I chipped off a corner of my left front bottom canine eating popcorn. No major repairs needed but another filing down, but WTF>>

But I digress. This chinotto flavour was in an eye-catching tall boy can, and Ian got it from Cascadia Liquor store. It’s a super dark, almost murky beverage. You would mistake it for coke for sure. The flavour though? Undeniably NOT coke. Herby, with a subtle wintergreen tang or burn, or whatever makes root beer or sarsaparilla a thing… Makes this a thing also. It’s sweet- very sweet- and the vodka completely hidden within. It’s still fairly low alcohol and very much reminds me of an old-timey soda jerk (why did they call it that? Who is the jerk? I even went down the rabbit hole a few days ago of what an ‘egg cream’ was for a soda fountain and I was grossed out by it…), but anyways, this is pretty good!

It’s not great- funny enough I found myself missing the ‘sharpness’ and carbonation of cokes or maybe root beer, but this was worth a try for sure. It really isn’t highly carbonated, and I feel like that was really missing for me. I coincidentally have been drinking a lot of Bubly/carbonated water drinks..so…. Are those bad for teeth? Asking for a friend?!

And for those wondering what chinotto is? Well, it’s apparently a carbonated soft drink produced from the juice of the fruit of the myrtle-leaved orange tree. You would think it would taste like orange, but it doesn’t. Apparently the Italians also add quinine to their cocktails to achieve that ‘bitter’ flavour. I would say that piece was missing from this beverage as it was very sweet with only a minimal ‘otherness’ bite. I also learned that this drink was served as an alternative to orange juice (for people who got tired of only using the oranges off the myrtle-leaved orange tree???).

Interestingly, this brand – Brio- is actually known for being too sweet. Lesson learned! It is still miles ahead of the horrendous Pop Shoppe alcoholic drinks. I’m looking at you, disgusting swamp-thing nuclear waste green Lime Rickey!! GAG

All chocolate MEGA food reviews! Featuring chocolate you have never heard of!

That’s right people, buckle up because I have a mega-review coming down the pipes!

We start with a tour of Europe, where my dear friend Melissa generously procured for me an excellent variety of chocolate from both Romania (I know, I didn’t see that coming either!) and from Switzerland (a classic!!).

We will start with Romania. Melissa bought two bars for me, and I forgot to take photos of them and greatly regret it, but picture this below:

It looked sort of like this?

And two flavours: Coffee, and Cherry. The nougat in the bars was very reminiscent of the nougat in a Snickers or something like a flatter, denser 3- Musketeers type of bar. The flavours were also much stronger- the cherry bar immediately had a marzipan-esque flavour to it, and I really liked it! It had an almond aftertaste (an aftertaste of which it shares with arsenic, if Forensic Files has taught me anything), and a bright, cheery-cherry top note. Tasty!

The coffee-nougat one was very in-your-face. I almost left it for Ian to eat, but remembered that I don’t share chocolate with someone who doesn’t appreciate it! It’s almost like espresso flavoured, and as someone with chronic insomnia, I had a moment of worry- would this chocolate bar keep me up at night? It’s so strong! (It didn’t, and I actually read the other day that sugar can cause insomnia or contribute to it, but whatever I plan on living my life as a normal human, soooo not giving that up!). It was great but I didn’t love it as much as the cherry bar. Go Romania!

I tried to find images of these bars, but all I got was a Ganong ‘Roma nougat’ bar instead. ??

Now we drift on to Switzerland, where Melissa picked up the most excellent Lindt bar du jour: The Lindt Creations melting chocolate cake bar. Think ‘lava-cake’ in bar form. Did it deliver? oh BOY did it! Mouth feel of a much more expensive bar, it was just delicious. Did I get a lava-cake taste? Hard to say- it was excellent all around, so that wasn’t really the sticking point for me. Think about those St. Moritz ‘Icy Squares’ but like…a million times better.

Now we move on to Ottawa, where another lovely friend mailed me a CHOCOLATE POSTCARD!! Yes we are in 2020 people and this is a THING! I immediately checked out the chocolatier, Alicja’s Confections, and was blown away. Really sharp, classy packaging, unique and very out of the box flavours and a fun, novelty idea that got chocolate from my friend into my mailbox! What’s not to like? The flavour was peanut butter mixed with high quality milk chocolate- 33% chocolate, according to the packaging. The melt/mouthfeel was really high quality- smooth, flavourful and you can tell it is top-notch! The only quibble I had was for this to be a true ‘Tiger Butter’ bar, it has to have more peanut butter- as a PB aficionado, I need to be able to taste the impact of the peanut butter. People who are more chocoholics than PB-lovers will love this! On the whole, an excellent effort and a new chocolatier to keep an eye out for! Thanks Caitlin 🙂

And now we go closer to home, I guess? Brent at work brought in a new After Eight offering: Limited Edition Chocolate Mint with Orange! Now I was puzzled by this- everyone knows about the dreaded ‘orange juice & toothpaste’ combo, sooooo how was this going to taste? The good news is that it tastes like 100% orange- not a hint of mint! So that’s good? But I kind of wanted to taste more subtlety, not just chocolate-orange (Terry’s does that one well already). It is also incredibly sweet, sort of mouth-burny sweet. Now, I like that but I also fully realize a lot of people don’t. So, this is is kind of a miss if you like the traditional After Eights (I certainly do!!), but also a fun novelty. Heavy on the orange, light on the mint.

Holiday candy review X 2!

That’s right, in honour of my rapidly approaching Xmas holidays (so long, suckers!!) I am gracing your inboxes with a two-pronged candy review. Lucky you!

This first bar is courtesy of my gym-sister Jessica! Thanks Jess for the opportunity to try something new. 😊

First up, we have the very holiday-styled candy bar ‘Hershey’s Candy Cane’ featuring white chocolate with attractive crunchy red and white nonpareils embedded inside.

It’s a delightfully minty sensation, but not like brushing your teeth- it is much tastier than that. The crunch bits add some fun and texture to the bar, and the effect is quite pleasing. I don’t really love white chocolate -fake- but in this bar it is transformed into a nice holiday treat that is quite refreshing and unique to eat!

My biggest quibble/complaint: Hershey bars are SO THIN that there is barely any bar left anymore? I can practically see through it. Please, Hershey, I know you moved your factories to Mexico so you can’t be too hard up to make a bar that is slightly more substantial than a soda cracker. This bar, while very seasonally appropriate and quite tasty, is still a ripoff with how slim it is. You will have to pry Reese’s or O’Henry out of my cold, dead hands. Note: This complaint holds true to their other quite delicious and unique Hershey’s Gold Bar, which has pretzels! But crazy tiny. How do they have so many calories when it is this thin???

Next up, this one I tried thanks to Carlene! Yeah! Thanks Carlene.

She found these at Winners, which is indeed a haven for interesting candy and gummies. I have enjoyed a great variety of fun gummies from the UK there in the past. So, how did Rosé and Prosecco Bears fare?

Really well! The smell is quite unusual- a dry, sort of wine scent that has a sort of winery or brewery tinge to it? Makes me feel like the bag is indeed promising some real booze flavours. The flavour? Good! But if you are expecting sweet, in-your-face flavour, it isn’t the right bear for you (try Haribo or Albanese). It is quite subtle, with an off-dry grape/must flavour. I liked it a lot! It’s definitely an ‘adult’ gummi bear, if there ever could be a thing- I would really expect children to hate these. They are a gummi bear for more refined palates, ones that appreciate a good ‘patio- pounder’ Rosé in the summer….Ah, take me back. I would definitely buy these. Note: I couldn’t actually taste the difference between Rose and Prosecco? My faulty tastebuds? Or asking too much of a gummi bear? Anyways, the texture was very pleasing, fresh with a good chew but nothing too tough.

Don’t buy Kashi Joi Energy Nut Butter Bars: They suck! A review.

A review that I wish I didn’t have to write- overwhelmingly negative one about one of my favourite food items- nut butter + chocolate+ granola bar. What can go wrong? I mean, it looks great right?

Jess (who is my gym sister and gets the granola bar thing almost too well) got me the new Kashi Joi Energy Nut bar in chocolate espresso and I was soooooo excited to try it. Yum my favourite things, almond nut butter, chocolate, espresso, nuts!! Just like one of those amazing Clif Nut-butter Filled Bars – and I LOVE those ones, they are incredible. I took a big bite of the new bar and literally gagged in surprise. Wha? It was more than horrible it was appalling.

Bitter, gritty, chemical aftertaste? Gagggg.

I actually unwrapped it to examine what exactly was so wildly offensive about this bar. I have eaten a lot of granola bars/energy bars…A lot. And while there aren’t many winners, there aren’t really any losers either, they’re just ok. But this one is actively bad. I saw on the bar it had these clumps of what I can only assume is ‘nut butter’ in these strange greasy little pockets, not well blended into the bar and not ‘nut-butter filled’ like my fav Clif bars. Just..there, and greasy and pretty tasteless. Ever tried icy squares by St. Moritz? Yeah, that, but with less flavour. Ick!

The bar itself had ground up coffee beans and boy did it taste like it. Gritty, bizarre and I felt like I needed to brush my teeth after eating because the mouthfeel and flavour was so offensive. Coffee breath? More like coffee mouth after eating it. Yuck!

To be completely unbiased and fair, I did buy the banana-chocolate nut energy bar last night to see if it was just the chocolate-espresso one that was so terrible. Big.Mistake. I took one bite and left it with a note for Ian- You can eat this, I hate it!!!

It tastes exactly the same as the miserable espresso chocolate one. Right now to the weirdly gritty mouthfeel, extremely bitter/chemical aftertaste and gross greasy pockets of ‘nut butter’ ha yea right. How????

Leave this one on the shelf, friends–it’s Joi-less. Your tastebuds and calorie budget will thank you. Next time Jess, we’ll stick with Clif!!

The bar itself had ground up coffee beans and boy did it taste like it. Gritty, bizarre and I felt like I needed to brush my teeth after eating because the mouthfeel and flavour was so offensive. Coffee breath? More like coffee mouth after eating it. Yuck!

To be completely unbiased and fair, I did buy the banana-chocolate nut energy bar last night to see if it was just the chocolate-espresso one that was so terrible. Big.Mistake. I took one bite and left it with a note for Ian- You can eat this, I hate it!!!

It tastes exactly the same as the miserable espresso chocolate one. Right now to the weirdly gritty mouthfeel, extremely bitter/chemical aftertaste and gross greasy pockets of ‘nut butter’ ha yea right. How????

Leave this one on the shelf, friends–it’s Joi-less. Your tastebuds and calorie budget will thank you. Next time Jess, we’ll stick with Clif!!

My review: Reese’s chocolate rabbit! Just in time for Easter

So the picture below may not actually be the one I ate. I devoured it so fast I didn’t take a picture, and also now I can’t quite remember but I don’t think there was foil covering it…Anyways, without further ado- the BEST Easter candy of the season!

Reese’s Chocolate Rabbit! Maybe even the best candy I have had all year??? Tough call. But a fair one.

It is a fairly hefty sized rabbit, not quite the 1lb pound gargantua that I saw when I googled ‘Reese’s Chocolate Rabbit’ but given the fact that I wolfed this down in one sitting (for lunch, I’m not some sort of monster), I’m glad it wasn’t a full 1lb! I did kind of feel sick after and wanted vegetables so I can even recommend eating this whole in one sitting to encourage you to eat healthier after. Kind of like aversion therapy maybe.

It’s DELICIOUS!!!

Imagine the biggest, best Reese’s cup (like maybe the one with Reese’s pieces shards in it) and times it by three. Bigger, better, more peanut-buttery goodness inside. It is filled all the way to the ears, no cheaping out on the peanut butter. The texture of the peanut butter filling is slightly grainy in the best way possible. Mouthfeel is excellent, the chocolate covering is smooth and slightly greasy but pretty good too. It’s addictive and incredible. Man, I wish I hadn’t eaten the entire rabbit but also can enjoy that memory for all of Easter haha. I think it is even better than the half-pound Reese’s cup they have at Christmas…Which I may have also eaten in one sitting. But that was years ago.

This was purchased for me by the lovely colleague so I can’t comment on cost but I believe it is available at all the regular stores (might look slightly different, I can’t quite remember). Get this one- it is better than all the Mr. Solid/Mr. Crunchy and Mr. Munchy chocolate rabbits combined, maybe even better than all of those combined with Peeps! Also there should be a Peeps/Reese’s mashup. I would buy allllll of it. Get on this, people!

Hostess Strawberry Cupcakes. My food review.

Hint- they are NOT good.

I am pretty behind in my food reviews (I have a lot in the backlog right now, like Baileys Pumpkin Spice, Lavender Yogurt from Liberté, Liberté Greek Crunch in Coconut , Califa Farms Mocha Cold Brew)….

But I couldn’t resist with this one. So many things to say! So many things I didn’t like about it also.

First off, the packaging. When I was a kid, Hostess Cup Cakes came in chocolate with white squiggle icing and also in a twin-pack (two cupcakes per pack, a US delicacy and a treat to behold). They tasted like everything I wanted when I was a kid: Sweet, chocolatey, two of them…That’s pretty much it.

These ones? One per pack, which in of itself is disappointing. Why the new style of packaging? Is this some sort of child/adult obesity crisis type of scare, making us think that only one should be eaten at a time? How does that explain Pop-Tarts then?

The smell is lightly floral, with undertones of cardboard, and the look says we stopped trying like, 10 months ago. And the taste? Man. I have never experienced a snack cake that is both greasy AND stale at the same time, existing on simultaneous planes. Just yuck. The chocolate ‘frosting’ is hard and lame, kind of bitter tasting. Has a special eau de cardboard that you can’t seem to escape, also tastes vaguely like newspaper.

The cake itself bills as ‘strawberry’ but tastes more like failed dreams and stale aspirations. Bland, rather chemical tasting, not enhanced even remotely by the greasy ‘crème filing’ that looks and tastes like the edible oil product it is. Grim.

I’m actually glad these are not packaged in pairs anymore. Nobody wants to eat more than one. Also, now I’m not sure if the ones I had in my childhood were any good, or I just had way, way lower standards. ????

I guess they can’t all be winners!

Snickers vs Mars vs 3 Musketeers

In the showdown between candy bar giants, who was the winner? (sidenote: US seems to prefer candy bar to our more regional ‘chocolate bar’)

Clearly Snickers was the winner, with a balanced palate of salty/sweet (but not cloyingly sweet) and a pleasant texture of nougat/caramel/chopped peanuts, that appealed to most in the office. It has the added bonus of protein from the peanuts, so it is practically a health food. Maybe even a vegetable, if we want to go US-style here. Seasonal variations on Snickers bars include almonds and dark chocolate!

Second place is kind of a toss-up between Mars and 3 Musketeers *I wanted to write 2 Musketeers, I mean it only has nougat (more marshmallowy) and chocolate so what is the third element here?

Mars lost ground in this round due to the overwhelming sweetness of the whole bar. A stiffer nougat chew was nice, but it’s so sweet it makes all of our fillings ache. Caramel is a good touch but again, just too damn sweet. Plus, no peanuts so…It seems overwhelmingly bad for you. I can’t even justify it really. Their seasonal variation at one point was Mars Maple, available only in…drumroll please…Canada. It’s just a Mars. What more do you want??

3 Musketeers also failed here due to its marshmallowy texture and no added fun features like nuts or caramel. A bland marshmallow bar? I would eat that and I still really like them (and the internet says 3 Musketeers has experimented with strawberry marshmallow nougat and also dark chocolate, so they have some intrepid fans for sure)…But here it just got lost in the wishy-washy sweetness and no backstory.

Also this might be in our future too if we keep this up past Halloween! Thank you to my colleague for providing the chocolate bars for our taste tests.

My review: Oreo Creme Egg

Simply labeled ‘Oreo’ it looks exactly like a blue Cadburys Crème egg, not very inventive and tiny as anything. Package graphics done by the laziest of designers. Aren’t they at least supposed to be called Oreo Crème Egg or something?

For size reference. Pathetically small

For size reference I have it next to my Blerch stress ball/voodoo doll.

Sidebar rant: Size and quality of Cadbury’s Crème eggs have declined drastically so off the top I can’t necessarily recommend ever buying these full price at Easter. That being said, this was a gift from my lovely colleague Brent and it is still January and these are now in the stores for $1.29 at my local Pharmasave.

The quality I mentioned? The shell seemed much thinner than I recalled, and the chocolate gone in an instant. Like, two bites gone leaving only the slightest whiff of chocolate and a greasy feeling on my teeth. The inside was curious, not quite a fondant, more like the delicious dirty-pleasure of eating Duncan Hines frosting straight out of the can, mixed with some mildly interesting crunchy cookie pieces. Not outstanding but not offensive, and I also immediately wanted to eat like, 10 of them.

Eating this reminded me of the time I bought and hoarded close to 30 Crème eggs in my freezer one year. That was a great year.

I can say this is a nice one to try on sale, if you like frosting out of the can. Also, if you find the actual Crème egg too sweet due to the fondant, give this one a try. It’s different, I’ll give it that.

My review: Reese’s Big Cups (King Size) stuffed with Reese’s Pieces

New Reese’s Big Cup (King Size) stuffed with Reese’s Pieces: Too decadent? Read more and find out!

Looks tasty

My friend bought this for me, because she knows I am 100% obsessed with Reese’s. Were they as good as the packaging promised?

They were! The cups were large, so there were only two of them. The Reese’s bits add a really nice textural crunch to the famous Reese’s peanut butter filling. Visually they look like chunky Reese’s, and taste just a little bit more interesting than the traditional cups. The only quibble I had was that the Reese’s pieces tended to be more like ‘shards’ rather than full pieces. Towards the back of the cup a few full-sized pieces showed up, so I guess it’s not completely false advertising. I am definitely a fan of the filling, and I liked it even more than the traditional cups because per cup, you got a lot more peanut butter.

The inside- as you can see, shards of Reese’s Pieces.

To sum up, if you’re the type of person that can easily eat the half pound Reese’s cup in one sitting, this is the BEST THING EVER. Even if you’re not, it’s still really great. I would definitely eat these again! (and yes I can easily eat a half pound cup in one sitting). I am unsure if they also come in ‘regular size’ as the packaging indicates ‘King Size’ at this point.