And the hours tick down!

That’s right, on my last day before holidayyyyys…!

And some bummer news, I no longer have a jump trainer 😦 I knew this day was coming, and fair enough: She now has to travel a great distance due to owning a farm up island. I was kind of surprised she lasted this long~ but with the increasingly bad weather making travel on the Malahat a dangerous proposition, combined with a lot of her students either not riding due to lame horses or varying schedules…I totally get it.

Just a bummer, overall but a very fair reason.

Here’s to the many years we shared- it was great! 🙂

And a video from our last real jump lesson- it was very fun. As I step Oats down from most of our competition jump lessons, it’s nice to look back at the great things we’ve done. I love our partnership and how it has grown and progressed over the years, much like my relationship with my now-former jump trainer.

Whose name made you drink enough to forget your own?

Ten years! wow time flies. 

We celebrated our TENTH year anniversary yesterday! I can hardly believe it still. It seems like yesterday I was 23, and getting married. It was a really hot day, just gorgeous. It makes me feel a bit sad to think about that, because it also feels like it hasn’t been that hot ever since, and I miss the summers, like how they used to be.

where did you learn this, to want what does not want you?
where did you learn this, to leave those that want to stay?”

A lovely Warsan Shire quote.

We had a good run club day, and a fabulous dinner by my husband! So thoughtful and awesome. I feel like I’m not worthy sometimes! We were pretty young when we got married, and even to this day I feel conflicted, of two minds about marriage. On one hand, I hate it. It’s a silly tradition, designed to make people ‘property’ of each other. When I got married, I couldn’t care less (and DIDN’T!) about the stupid fripperies of weddings. Cake? sure. Dress? NOT WHITE please and thank you. Bridesmaids? No. Wedding showers? NO. Flowers? I’m allergic… So yeah, you get the idea. Me + weddings = bad idea.

This doesn’t even feel that long ago. It was a gorgeous day. 

Still, I had one (a wedding I mean, not a bad idea. I still have lots of those). It was fine, and I had a great time with my family, friends, on a day that felt like it was tailor-made for me. It was also incredibly stressful, dumb, and a waste of time and money. I would  NEVER get married again with a wedding. Thanks but no thanks. I felt annoyed that we had to get married to be legitimized in the view of our laws, society and my family and still feel annoyed by that. So, that’s still a thing.

I never took my husband’s name, and I’m proud and glad I didn’t. It honestly never occurred to me that I should? (?? or to him that I should also, which is even more important). I am owned by nobody, and I also don’t own him.

It’s a good day, and more importantly, one I mark by also reminiscing that it is the anniversary of me buying my other love of my life, Mr. Oats!

Without my wedding, our disastrous one-year anniversary ‘surprise’, I wouldn’t have had him in my life either, and I guess the subsequent challenges, heartbreak, drama, happiness, joy, or pleasure either. Life is more than black and white, to me, a very black-and-white thinker. Oh and if you aren’t sure if your wife is claustrophobic, don’t go ahead and book a 6-hour cave exploring adventure, just to be sure. It’s a bad idea. Go for a spa trip or something nice!!! For the love of god or else she will buy a horse that day. Immediately. 😉

I am definitely not a great wife, but in the words of Walt Whitman, “I am as bad as the worst, but thank god, I am as good as the best.”

You don’t love me, you love the chase

Man oh man, how do I describe my ‘relaxing’ few days off while my mom visited?

The aftermath…

Well, they were NOT relaxing, at all. Jesus.

Things started off well, with a nice visit to my in-laws farm, using up some grocery gift cards and a good hike through the woods. The fun vibes continued into the next day, when my mom and I went for a run at Thetis Lake with the dog. She accompanied me to my jumping lesson and then all hell broke loose.

Up to 2’6”

We had a great jump lesson, and I had my mom on for a pony ride to cool Oats off. She was wearing a helmet, and we were half asleep…Just chatting, having a nice time. All of a sudden, Oats spooked! And BLAM! My mom fell right off, onto her arm.

Started off well

She started shouting that her arm was broken right away. I ran Oats up the hill as fast as I could drag him, threw him to my friend and shouted for my coach to help us. Thank god they were still around. Nicole ran down to help my mom, I drove my car around the block and into the arena through the field to pick up my mom and drive her to the hospital. Nicole helped my mom into my car, and we slowly drove to the hospital (a 2-minute drive, luckily).

In the backseat!

There, she got an x-ray and I zipped home to wait for her to call. It took a few hours and she called- a broken humerus. Apparently the most painful break you can get. No joke her. She spent a long night in pain, and then we regrouped in the morning. I helped her get dressed, have a shower and we picked up her pain med prescription, and also went for lunch. When she was having a nap, I wanted to leave the house quiet- so I went to the barn, and it was kind of a bad idea.

Leaving looooooong!

I went in a bad mood. I felt angry, upset, betrayed. I felt guilty and mad at my horse. Mad at the world, really. I fall off Oats all the time, and nothing happens. My mom goes for a pony ride and breaks her arm? And this is the SECOND time she has broken that arm with me, visiting me in Victoria? What gives???

I was also afraid. When I rode Oats the next day, I wasn’t riding because I wanted to. I was riding because I felt like I had something to prove- to myself, to my mom. It was definitely fear-based. My ride was very aggressive, and I was acting defensively. Oats even got pissed off and threw in a baby buck at the canter, to show me he didn’t like how I was behaving (he hasn’t done that in aaaages).

It was hot, sweaty, hard. I felt rough, tired and unhappy.

I wasn’t happy with how I handled Oats then.

I hopped off, and let him graze for a bit, and then walked him back up the hill. I vowed to not let that happen again- losing my tempter, riding with fear like that.

The next day, I had a better game plan (I went riding while my mom was napping again, wanted to make sure the house was completely quiet for her). We rode in the indoor and it was quiet, calm. I had better control over my emotions and I didn’t feel afraid- but, I had scheduled a lesson for Monday, and I knew that would be a better test of how I was handling the trauma. My ride was very calm and quiet, boring even!

Monday- I had scheduled a private lesson with Karen Brain, as she couldn’t make our usual Tuesday ride. I immediately felt anxious.

But I wanted to push myself- I didn’t want to let my fear or anger rule the day. I felt nervous warming up by myself, but also like, oh you want to look at the corner? Sure, let’s stop for a bit, and look. Oats then started grazing and I was like…Hm…nope. Clearly, it wasn’t an issue for him- it was an issue for me, the ‘spooky side’.

We worked hard, and I told her what had happened. I deal with more fear in the outdoor, but I also like being in the outdoor- I have to be able to manage my fear, physically. And I am. Well, I am learning to. I still deal with fear, and I don’t like Oats lollygagging and staring outside the arena, but I am learning to deal with fear proactively.

So, we worked on lateral work and he was GREAT! And then we worked on picking up right- or -left lead canter through some cones (not quite as good) and then some seriously bone- jarring trot work (ouch ouch ouch). It really helped me work through some of my issues and allowed me to focus on the task at hand.

I needed it.

Love/Hate

Yep that’s me and Oats most days~

Rode him on Saturday and he was a twit! I was super annoyed, because I was still kind of riding off a pretty good high of him being really good in my lessons last week- decent lesson on Tues and great lesson on Thurs and then Saturday rolls around….And he’s cow-kicking when I mount up again, acting pissy and bucking at the TROT even, and dicking me around like crazy.

Me: Trot please. More forward!

Him: No! Eff you!!! I’m going to hop! Hop! Hop! Instead of trotting, how about a canter instead?!!’

Me: No, I asked for trotting.

Him: Pop! Canter! Up!

Me: Oh okay..fine then, canter.

Him: Wait…Cantering is hard. Balk hard. Return to slow trot.

Me: Cluck cluck! Kick kick!

Him: Did I hear you thinking of using your crop? *Threatens to buck*

YEAH….so…

Not very broke to my leg these days, still, again.

He did get to go for a walk with a young lady who will be hacking him for me and he was good for her! I was glad for that, it’s been a good year or longer since he’s been out on the trails…And his behaviour in the ring indicates more than a good amount of ring sour pissyness.

Sunday, I warmed him up outside and he was way more interested in life. Forward, happy, ears pricked forward and didn’t feel balky, poppy or draggy. Good! Moved him indoors for more work and he lost a bit of his ‘pep…Bad.

Monday he had off, and the temperatures have dramatically plummeted!

Tuesday I had off, so I rode early- no lesson for us yesterday. He was surprisingly good! Got some really nice trot, didn’t push the canter too much as I wanted to work more on my ‘eye’ exercises (3,2,1- jump!) over poles. Good news is that they are getting much better, phew! Maybe I’ll develop an ‘eye’ for jumping yet. I’m trying to stay a bit more consistent with my eye-counting exercise, at least 1X a week.

Also did two laps of 2-point w/no stirrups at the trot and almost died.

And thank the saints that Oats is not a reactive type of pony…His quarter sheet, to keep him warm, flew off his butt when I was leading him to the arena, fell off his behind when I was RIDING him (had to get off and pick it up off the rail!) and then fell off him for a third time when I was leading him to the stables, where it got stuck under his foot. JESUS.

I have to figure out a better way to stick it on him, or it will cause a major disaster for me one day…Luckily Oats literally didn’t even notice it once!! Even when it slid off his butt in the arena.

“Luck”

I’ve been wondering a lot about luck lately (and death too, but that feels a bit morbid for a rainy Tuesday).

Are some of us luckier than others? I consider myself and my family pretty lucky. Maybe we are, lucky where it matters.

I also think a lot about it (jealously, meanly, and petty) in terms of the horse world. Do others ‘get luckier’ than me? Do they want it more? Is that why I’m not necessarily where I want to be (and do I even know where/when that is anymore?) What holds me back, from luck?

My friend and coach got very unlucky this weekend, and it made me feel small and lousy to even think of what I am griping about (success? something more nebulous?) and meanwhile, I’m lucky already- to have a healthy horse, who is fun to play around on and enjoy myself with.

So who is luckier?

Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm. ~Winston Churchill

Whenever you see a successful person you only see the public glories, never the private sacrifices to reach them. ~Vaibhav Shah

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. ~Thomas A. Edison

If you’re going through, hell keep going. ~Winston Churchill

With horses, it’s a real crapshoot. I think we are lucky until our luck just…runs out.

Falls, accidents- horse and human, injuries, diseases, anything. It’s a tough world out there, and I want to remind myself that even 1 bad ride, or 1 bad show doesn’t mean the end of the world, luck-wise. I’m still here, Oats is still here, and we’re lucky to share that together.

I also got a pretty sweet deal at the Fair- almost a clean sweep with our entries winning five first places! And 1 second place, and one entry didn’t place. Pretty nice eh? So, I guess I am lucky 🙂

Maybe I should stick to handicrafts, not horses. Ahhh….It’s just not as fun!

A Year of Hibernation

So, another Oats update for ya?

• Thursday- I had my riding lesson with Nicole. I saw her out in the field with her other students, and decided to pick up my big girl panties and have a lesson out there too. And I did! And immediately felt concerned…When did I get to be such a chicken? My heart was in my throat cantering up the hill in the field (Oats immediately spooked and I lost my stirrup) and cantering down the hill? Yikes!! NEver!

We did it though, and it went fine. We even trotted and then cantered over a small ditch! And then worked on a mini-course consisting of gallop up the hill, canter down, canter over the ditch, loop right, canter over a line of cavaletti, turn left, circle over the last cavaletti in the line and then halt in a straight line. It was not without challenges- I turned him too soon over the last circle cavaletti and he stopped and I almost fell off! He just didn’t see it and was like oh no thanks! I cantered -HARDER- and we figured it out by not cutting the circle off.

Fun times!

• I rode Monday and was still kind of hungover, so it was slightly horrible. We worked pretty hard but very short, as I couldn’t seem to catch my breath. He wanted to be spooky ‘oh this is hard, what’s over there that I can act dramatically at?!’ But I nipped it in the bud by working him more and getting ‘busy’ with my hands. More on that from my lesson yesterday…

Busy with hands? Isn’t that a bad thing? Isn’t quiet like, the best?

Sort of!

Normally it is, but when the horse is like, lah-dee-dah, oh what’s that?!!!! Oh look! My attention is SO elsewhere!>!?! It’s time to GET THEIR ATTENTION ON YOU.

However possible. Busy hands, bend left, bend right, get A REACTION from what you are doing. That came as a surprise to me, because in my lesson with Karen Brain yesterday, she was like, you have to get TOUGHER about his attention span. Busier with your hands, start being more and doing more.

We worked on a really interesting exercise: lazer-like intensity for me, haha.

Walk a line, pick up canter from the walk, and halt at the end of the line. Canter STRAIGHT to the halt. No wibble-wobble, no trot steps, etc.

Mannnnnn it was hard.

We had trouble with the following: Walk- canter. Halt from canter. Halting straight?? Picking up the correct lead on the right.

Oats had some hissy fits- it was difficult- but we manned up and dealt with it. 

We then worked on a variation of this exercise from a circle, then to a halt in a straight line. Oats got RUDE. He tried dragging me out of the circle, throwing his head up at the transition to canter. Rude rude rude! 

Funny enough, I said Oats could be a bully. Karen agreed-she said it’s like in a relationship, when in the winter you go to a ’empowering’ workshop and suddenly come home with a renewed perspective- and suddenly, your partner’s subtle or not-so-subtle behaviours are BAD! They treat you poorly! And you’re like, I’m NOT taking this BS anymore, forget it.

That is like me and Oats. I’m NOT putting up with his crap. And he’s like whaa?? But the lucky thing about rude ponies that are bullies is that he is inherently lazy. So, he’ll fight for a few laps…And ultimately give up. Because he is lazy, he will quickly realize that fighting makes him work that much harder and it’s easier to do what I want.

But I still have to fight/ask for it. And not give up!

(Photo courtesy of the talented Elle)