Racing again?? Cowichan Autumn Classic ‘combo’ race recap

Things are still not great with poor bunny Tucker. I just don’t know what the right choice to do is.

But otherwise, I had a really fun/awesome weekend!

Photo courtesy of Joseph Camilleri.

AND I raced again, for the first time in two years, I can’t believe it 🙂 I have had a really challenging return to running after my second stress fracture episode of Feb. I wasn’t healing, from something that seemed so minor, really wasn’t. It seriously cramped my style, brought me down. I signed up for this race and was doubting if it was the right choice up until I hit the start gates, I’m not kidding.

Dying at the finish- photo courtesy of Joseph Camillieri.

I signed up for the ‘Combo’ race where you run the 5k and 10k and get two finishers medals (argh I do not need these, anyone want some medals??) but I figured it’s unique, new to me and why not? I also know myself and figured if I could take the pressure off one race then I could enjoy myself for two! 🙂

But yeah I aggravated my injuries last week and was DREADING the race. Like, I couldn’t run last week, wtf was I thinking??

Well, anyways the die has been cast haha.

We were forecasted for absolutely heinous weather and gotta say, SO GLAD they were wrong for once. It wasn’t terrible and rainy, it was pretty nice out and not too cold!! The setting was lovely for a fall race, so scenic, well organized and picturesque. I lined up for the start of the 5k right up in front, as I figured such a small race will have a lot of walkers/etc. Turns out my instincts were 100% correct: I went to the front, and stayed in the front. I felt funny, like I was having an out of body experience and boy this 5k was tough- some rolling hills, and you ran through trails?! For a 5k? hahh so that sucked the speed right out of me lol. I got beat by the 1st place woman and it was no contest, ha. I couldn’t catch her at all.

Running so fast you can’t catch me, camera! Photo by Ian.

But I was hanging on to my 2nd place, kind of by my fingernails even! It was hard, I was horking and gasping and just ..ick. Felt like I was going to puke going through the finish lines, but the ending was great, basically a screaming downhill for the finish. LOVE that.

Photo courtesy of Joseph Camillieri.

And after staggering around for awhile, I grabbed some water and felt my legs tighten up in a way that I haven’t felt in 2 years. Then it was go time for the 10k! My lungs were in pretty bad shape- I have asthma that causes me to cough like I have emphysema, bronchitis and pneumonia all at once. It’s awful. That’s why I have a few inhalers, it’s so painful.

Taking it easy in the 10k!

But not time to linger, it’s 10k time! This one I was going to take it easy and jog it out. I started mid-back pack and started so casually that I forgot to take off my mask, haha. I cruised off and enjoyed myself until I got boxed in by slower runners after about 1km, so I had to actually ‘run’ sigh…And then I was running alone on and off for awhile. The trails were beautiful, big puddles but flat, and we ran up to the Holt Creek Trestle (but not onto it) and then back to the road and I passed one more runner on my way to the finish.

Lovely scenery that day.

Good thing too, because I didn’t know they judged the combo race as a separate race! My take it easy pace kind of killed it for me hahaha, oops! It was also a lucky thing I ended up passing that one runner, because she came in 4th and I was 3rd. Maybe I should have tried during it? Ahahah I am also glad that I didn’t know- it was more fun that way.

Much deserved wine sample.

We finished, and I felt good and happy. I then got my wine sample (think I should have gotten two, or maybe a full glass for winning a medal??) and we waited around for the awards. I was certain I got something- and I was right! But yeah, third place woman for the combo, and I was kind of like ahh…that second place for the 5k would have been sweet, but hey, who cares eh?

And a full beer for me thanks to Ian. A good day!

A lovely day, fun people and some excitement in our lives. What more can a girl ask for??

Letting go to get there

Dressage lesson last night! Our trainer noticed my warmup was a bit backed off, with me sitting in the backseat (ha, now where have I heard that before, oh right, in my jump lessons!) and so guess what we did? Get ROLLING at the trot, big trot, bigger trot, and then CANTER! All on a very loose rein. It felt kind of wild to me, a little bit like we were just ripping around, but wouldn’t you know…we had a very lovely, loose through the back canter AND trot. Ok, after the downward transition we kind of bumbled into the trot but then he’d come down and release nicely. He still has that ‘snatch’ at the reins to come down, but he was much more consistent than before.

Just look at this handsome steed!

Kind of blew my mind a little! Sometimes dressage isn’t a tightly-held warmup and trot/canter, eh?? Sometimes it is a little wild!

Oats loved it, and his canter was SO consistent, forward and light over the back. Good boy! Plus he is looking fantastic these days- not so scraggly and gross and scrawny. I’m very glad to see him gain his weight back and his coat is just shining. He doesn’t look 19 right now, turning 20 in October 🙂

It was a very fun ride and reminded me to let go of the control sometimes (duh a horse person with control issues? Say it ain’t so 😉 ) ahahaha.

Plus on Wednesday we went on a hack around the block and while he did require a lot of convincing to get past the new, huge greenhouse (that wasn’t there last time!! Scary!!) that involved some running backwards, he got over it and was a gentleman for the rest of the ride, if a bit edgy/looky. Good pony, and PHEW!! I am a big trail ride chicken, haha so I rely on him to help me out here.

And my legs update- I had my hip tendon worked on last night (THANK GOD it was driving me insane for like 2 months, ugh, so gross…the tugging/irritation was constant) and I am entering my third walk-run of the week today at lunch. Fingers crossed for a recovery- even the physio was stumped about why I keep getting injured when I am in great shape and in general don’t have too many physical issues, other than the obvious hypermobility?!! Ah….

Some good rides and things

Ended up very busy last week, so no Oats updates or anything. Where to begin? On Tuesday Oats had his dentist appointment, shots and worming. I had to be out there for the dentistry part. He was quite good, did need ear plugs hahah man those power floats are SO LOUD and the vet did say his back teeth were going, so he’s require soaked cubes eventually but I don’t want to think of that now- he’s had a lot of feed changes recently! The vet did say Oats looked thinner, but man I was like, you should have seen him two weeks ago! He is looking much better now.

Look at this handsome dude! Photo by Daytona.

I had to cancel my Tues lesson because of the teeth appt, but that was ok because he had a beginner trying him out for a potential lease on Wed! The lease isn’t going ahead for some good/obvious reasons. The young rider is just too inexperienced in horse handling. Had a good seat for w/t but did struggle to keep Oats from coming in off the track to the middle and had a bit of a tough time getting him to trot. Was not comfortable bridling or haltering or handling in and out of the paddock, so while I did offer them to think about June, I did have my concerns. The family did too, and thankfully decided not to. It is actually great when it’s mutual- they seemed like lovely people, Oats is just not the right horse at the right time for their rider.

And then Thurs I had my dressage lesson and it did go pretty well, THOUGH Oats brought out his threaten-buck when we were asking for straighter at the canter. He did NOT like that, ha. We schooled over a few xpoles and he was kind of tricky! Fighting me a little more, ha. Ended on a reasonably good note though.

Friday Oats had off, which was good because my busy week didn’t end there- I had a physiotherapy appointment at ReBalance. I had been a patient there- on the sports medicine side- for my subluxating patellar like a million years ago, haha. I liked the experience, so I wanted to go back to the physio side to try and get some answers for my chronic MTSS frustration. And wow, they put me through my paces!! Balance exercises, ‘kayaking’ with a big slosh tube, and the weirdest of all, a blood pressure cuff that goes on your leg and squeezes the blood out of it, creating a lactic acid sensation in your leg- it was SO weird and uncomfortable. You can barely push the leg press (and it is EASY). Ick! So odd!

But my right leg felt really good after, so maybe it’s gross but it works??

Saturday I had my make-up jump lesson (see, busy busy!) and I was kind of annoyed at ol’ Oaty…He was sluggish, slacking off and I guess just feeling warm and snoozy. It was warmer than it had been all week! I had my spurs on but he was reacting very poorly to them (balking, bucking, sucked back, rude) and I knew I wasn’t going to use them appropriately, so I took them off. Right answer! He perked up over the small fences and before I knew it, we had a nice little time 🙂

Sunday I was pretty determined to not get into a canter fight with Oats, so what do I do? Immediately get in a canter fight with him. Sheeeeeesh. I should know better than that by now! At first I even had a pretty nice left canter, but then I asked for more, and then right for straightness, and it…fell apart and turned into a fighting match. Yick. No thanks!

We cooled out in the outdoors, which was nice, sunny and hot. Oats got a long graze after and I cleaned his tack. Fingers crossed for a smooth week, and that my legs and feet start healing for once!!

Here’s to being here

Had my FOURTH jump lesson back last night! And I remembered how I was kind of freaked out last lesson, because I felt like Oats was going ‘too fast’ (haa first time I had ever written that!!)? Well, I had a plan of attack. It was few-fold, and started with addressing how I felt disconnected at the canter (so now I can sit if I want to get re-connected), and then work on the line, but…start it with a trot-in fence.

I know right, me asking for TROt fences??? Nope!

But I did! And it totally worked. It removed the weird speed anxiety I had been having, and made it a whole lot more pleasant to try. And I normally really dislike trot fences, sooo this was funny!

A million years ago, we jumped this from the trot so I know we can do some nice trot fences when we want to 🙂 And we did!

And then we worked on a sort of half-circle vertical and he aced it, the good boy. He was kind of freaking out about a deer wandering around the path outside the arena, and could NOT deal, but when we moved on to the half circle he was pretty darned ok with it. Phew!

My trainer then set it up higher on one end, so if we got a bit of a drift, it was to jump the high side- so I let him drift a little 😉 Get a little taste of higher, these little xrails are booooooring (ok yeah boring and yet I still manage to have a wig-out at them, haha). I guess Oats thought it was boring too because he was just lovely over the small vertical! He’s like hey bring ’em to me, I got this!

Good pony.

I was also in a much better headspace. I can’t keep going back to compare myself and Oats at this stage in the journey back, it only makes me feel frustrated and anxious. Something to progress, not look back at!

Lessons on lessons on lessons!

Wow, so where to begin? I have been SO fortunate to have many lessons to enjoy and learn from with old Oaty.

Yeeeahhh want this feeling again!!

Last Thursday, we had our third dressage lesson. It actually begin in a kind of disappointing way- he was resistant and a bit high headed and stiff through his neck. I was annoyed by his resistance, but realized that we are really only a few weeks back into it, and he does soften up generally. And it did take work, but he came through it and by the canter, he had the best canter he’s had- like, period?! Amazing!!!

Except…It didn’t really stick, and my next ‘harder’ ride on Sunday (he got Friday off, and had a very light ride Saturday), I wanted to duplicate the canter and my dressage trainer’s words to me on Thursday were echoing in my head- why do you two point in canter? You sit very nicely, so sit! And I couldn’t really remember why I was sitting?

Well, I remembered very clearly on Sunday, hah. I was stifling him! He was seahorse cantering around, VERY shittily. It just sucked, straight up. He was stuck going backwards, his hind end dropped out, he was trot cantering, and his head was sky high resisting.

Sooooo back to the drawing board with a nice, soft two point canter.

What gives?

My best guess is…I don’t have the correct warm up in place when I try to go from trot to THAT canter. So, it sucks basically.

Monday was off- yes, Easter Monday! And I went in determined to correct my mistakes. (That is what the older me would say). Actually what I did was wipe the slate clean a bit, go for a nice lateral walk warm-up, trot nicely in the contact, and call it quits with a longer walk outdoors. And it did go very well 🙂 I had to let it go.

From last summer- will I get there again?

Tuesday was my jump lesson! I was feeling anxious (see last week, when he was fired up, hahah and it scared me because I was not used to it) but also very grateful, since we CAN LESSON AGAIN!!! Thank the heavens!!

We had a line set up, with 4 strides. I immediately felt weird about it- lines? Related distances?! Can I do this again?

Newsflash- yes you can, even though my brain melted out of my ears and I bunged it up hahah. We warmed up nicely over some small fences before tackling the line of poles and he went well, but I still felt worried about the speed. We then set up the line with teeny tiny speedbumps and we immediately went wayyyyy too fast into it and ka-blammed though! Yikes! No thanks!!

I am not ready for this eager Oats! And as my trainer reminds me, no way should I be trying to hold or manage him too strongly down the line- or else I risk asking for the shitty little half distances too close to the fence. Boldness is great!

So, we did what we had to do, so I could learn quietly without reaching my personal ‘red zone’….Back to poles. Humbling? Oh, very. Important to do? Again, yes!

So we went back to poles and I let my brain reform back into my head and things felt better. We did it a few times (with a wicked right drift, haha) and it was totally fine. Phew!

So things to work on for sure, and it is eye opening to me these days. 7 months off?? And it is NOT the same.

And jump lesson #2 is in the books!

And it was pretty funny, actually. I confessed to my trainer that I had INSANE anxiety for my first lesson- something about being super freaked out and worried about Oats re-injuring himself, the face that I had to learn how to jump again, and just..wow. I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest, my hands were trembling a few HOURS after my lesson, and I had a massive post-adrenaline crash later on the couch. It was nuts!

So we did this round and it was so quiet it was a snooze-fest!

But the best antidote to that anxiety is time, and to do it again. I felt calmer on my Tuesday lesson- I had done it once already, nothing bad happened, Oats is doing fine, and so am I. I know the anxiety is still there, but each lesson we do, and each week we pass, helps it be less of a threat/spectre.

So what did I wig out about this time? Oh, only that my very.slow.pony. was GALLOPING wildly out of control at the tiny speedbump-jumps?!

And this is our blooper round, where I got scared of pace?? He is such a good boy.

Except, he was actually carrying pace and not like, slugging along as is his wont, and boy, I am not used to speed? Impulsion? Energy? It freaked me right out! I pulled back and had to circle, hahah. My trainer, bless her, actually videotaped to show me exactly ‘how’ fast and scary my wild steed was going….At a reasonable, nice canter. Not a wild stallion gallop.

Ha. I couldn’t believe how my perception has changed after going only walking and trotting for so many months!!! It was nuts!

So, now I need to not be so precious and be ok with carrying pace to our ‘jumps’…how funny!

Stranger still: Cold jump lesson with Faith!

Since I have news so seldomly, I think I only blog with actual media, and things that I have been doing. Otherwise it’s basically groundhog day over and over with Oats’ rehab. Fun eh?

Whee!

Anyways we are in a ‘Polar Vortex’ over here on the balmy wet coast and man, I am not loving it. Brrrr!!! I had my lesson on Faith last night and then had to rehab Oats. It felt ok until I finished my lesson and then slowly started to freeze.

Faith was pretty good! Snappier transitions, no real drama when two horses left the arena (some tension, but not bad), not that much tripping, and a few balky moments right at the end of the gymnastic lesson but hey, we’ve had worse 😉

Ok but I am still rusty and tense.

Things I really need to work on: Letting go of tension in my arms!! And work on an actual ‘release’ with low hands- think automatic release- as I see I was actually pulling back in the second element of the grid! Come on, ME! Give the poor horse a chance!

Legs: Much better though. That is going my way!

Things I want to do next: Jump the bigger panels with Faith. 🙂 I think she’d be good at it!

And Oaty was a good boy for our solo chilly ride. What a little saint! My saddle is in the shop right now, so I have been playing musical saddles/bareback for each ride, which makes every day a little more challenging. 1 day was with a bareback pad (wowza I felt sore everywhere after that ride), 1 day was in a good saddle, 1 day was in a kiddie saddle (no stirrups b/c I am genius and forgot the would NOT be big enough for my adult feet), and last night in an older Mondega.

Which one will be the key? Not sure yet, trying the Mondega again tonight to see how it goes. It is only temporary, after all.

A short week, a polar vortex and me.

Missing everything for a year

Just a list of gripes that I hope to overcome this year!

Riding my dear pony Oats. I hope he can recover, and we can continue to conquer at dressage shows, riding lessons, jumping, trail riding and chilling out! God I miss him so much.

My health: Multi-faceted, but I hope to have fewer relapses of endometriosis, with fewer flare-ups. So far not so good. 😦

Also health related: Get control of terrible allergies with meds and inhalers. Fingers crossed!!!!!

Travel: Somewhere, at some point. When???

Friends: When can I go for happy hour again (non drinking in Jan, but I miss them.)

Running races: A total flop this year, last year, and probably not for a long time. Sigh.

It’s a wonderful life

I abandoned the blog because things got too depressing, for a very long time. They still kind of are, but I figured I might jump back in for a few minor updates.

Very chilly Xmas eve morning when we did our rehab SO early!

Oats had his second ultrasound and the vet was not promising about his recovery. That hurt, a lot. But there were silver linings- he trotted sound, and we were grudgingly cleared to begin trot rehab. We are now entering month six of his injury, and week 8 of trot rehab. We got to trot AROUND A CORNER this week! Guys, this is big. Huge even.

It’s still depressing as hell, and every time I let myself feel hope, I regret it.

I am running, and my shoes hurt my arthrits bump on my foot, unfortunately. I have new great shoes courtesy of my husband for Xmas, and I’m looking forward to having that fix it!!

I’ve relied very heavily on my friends and husband as a support network this year, to make sure I don’t find the highest building and jump off of it. They have been so amazing and kind and generous- when I think about how much they have helped me, heard me out, it makes me want to cry! I am truly fortunate to have these kind and generous people in my life. More so than my so called family, anyways!!

Faith in our jump lessons!

And I am taking jump lessons again too! That makes Tuesdays (ok, today, haha) a very long marathon day but you know what? Screw it. You only live once, so LIVE IT FOR ONCE! The trainer is very reasonably priced so I can afford to do that while Oats is laid up and the owner is not charging me a lease fee so even better! The mare is green with mild navicular, so we are limited in height/technical capability, but I am still enjoying the feeling of ‘riding’ and ‘jumping’ after six month of…walking. It’s a soul killer.

So, that’s that. I don’t have a lot to be thankful for, and I mostly mark time to pass. Some days are even ok, or close to good? But they are not great, and I don’t know, during a pandemic that I have to work in, when great will happen ever again.

Eulogy for you and me

I stopped writing this blog on Aug. 13. That was when Oats was diagnosed with a tear in his mesotendon, the membrane that covers the medial tendon near the DDFT. I just had this 3-month check up yesterday, and how has it progressed?

All we can do is walk.

Good and bad. He does not need surgery, as it didn’t break loose. It, however, is HUGE. So…That’s not great. Any bad movement and it will snap ‘like a rubber band…’ according to my vet. So, yeah. I didn’t even ask about long term prognosis, it didn’t seem worth it.

No turnout- ever again. 😦

I can start trot rehab with him, for the next 2-3 months (what the vet calls actually rehab. My other work with him, every single goddamned day, was merely recovery. Hah.) Shoot me.

Goodbye forever jumping

Oats at least has been the ideal rehab candidate. Not stupid in the arena, basically turned into a chubby, lazy slug. I can appreciate that greatly, given he had a few major freakouts over the past three, going on four, months. I will take lazy! He thinks he is retired now.

I will do the trot rehab, with my rehab partner who handles Fridays for me (a steal at $30/day!), and then we have another re-check before he will be allowed to canter. That takes us to 7 months of this effing journey. Yay.

I have been out at the barn every single day since Aug. 6 to help Oats with his recovery (except for Fridays starting mid-Sept, phew). It’s a lot. I have not felt happy, contented in months. I don’t have great sense of humour anymore. I cringe at the touch from another person. I just wish I could get out of it.

After this saga, I was saying I either want 3 horses, or no horses. How much pain are you willing to deal with? I don’t know anymore, but I guess a lot.