Do you like pain?

Oh man this weekend! So many things, ups, downs, just everything all at once.

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I’m also going to miss these sweet jumps…Goodbye! 

Friday I had every intention of going riding…BUT my parents were moving out of the city and I was invited to their going away dinner at a really nice restaurant. So I did that instead, still planning on riding after//yeah so that definitely did not happen.

We had a lovely dinner, I went back to my parents rental to take some stuff from them that they couldn’t bring, and it was MONSOON raining. Like, tornado winds with just hammering rain. Yikes. So it was like 8:30 pm, and torrential rains. Nope, not going to ride. It was a very bittersweet parting. Like…I wish things had been different, you know? But they aren’t.

Made it home and it was pretty rough, yeesh. I also found out that a friend was leaving the barn, and I just felt really bummed about that. I felt like people are all leaving me, that I’m being abandoned, and all alone. It was not a great feeling, even if it’s not necessarily true, it’s just how I ‘feel’ it right now. SIgh…  I was glad my husband was back in town. That way I didn’t feel so sad and lonely.

Saturday we woke up to find a ton of places had flooded. The indoor arena has been flooded for months, and Saturday was like half the arena. The rains were no joke. It was also crazy windy alllll day…Gusting, slamming wind. The horses were all totally psychotic at the barn, except for my dear Oats of course! The vibe was super negative and tense though, my shoulders were up near my ears the whole ride! Thank GOD Oats is so trusty. He takes care of me. My other friend said she was going to leave the barn too, and I just felt really sad and that ‘everyone is leaving me’ feeling just took over.

I came home and just could NOT with the day. I felt anxious, restless, tense, and just…I needed something to work through my emotions. I went on a long run, and I wanted something to trigger my emotions for me, so I could ‘feel’ them… And it did! Funny enough it was a security guard yelling at me, so whatever- it worked! 🙂

The rest of the evening was uneventful (thank god), even though I almost fainted in the shower (damn you vasovagal syncope and my love of hot showers!) and we even made pizza! And my other friend decided to stay put for now. Phew!

Sunday I had an equestrian biomechanics course put on by the chiropractor that sees Oats! I learned a lot and I found the breathing exercises particularly challenging, ha. I then hopped out to the barn to ride 🙂 Oats was great. I love my boy.

We will see what new challenges this week faces us with.

 

Foxstone winter series: Recap of the final show!

 

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Our loot- the 4th place is for our single 2’3” round!

 

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It wasn’t really sunny for a single moment yesterday! Shoot!

I’ll preface this by saying I had a really great jump lesson on Thursday (even did a small grid w/o hands) so anything at the show was basically a cherry on top! That said, my recap is tinged with a bit of bitterness–I was standing in reserve champ in my division standings by the third show and I did NOT manage to hang on to it. Shoooooot! I so wanted it this  year and felt like I really worked hard to keep it!

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Lacking any new media- from last year’s show.

Instead, I dropped down to third, and honestly–it was nice to keep it there, as the final show was quite competitive in my division, with up to 14 riders per class! Crazy eh?!

Still, my goals aren’t ribbons–they’re good experiences. Sometimes I do lose sight of that.

Oats warmed up nicely in the outdoor arena and it was so wet! Wet footing splashed up all over us when we landed from a jump. I had sand on my face even! Oats had it on his bit, on his nose, everywhere. It was a very rainy day, and I was feeling supremely grouchy because of it…

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Then we went to do our brief warmup they offer in the ring, and that’s when the wheels kind of fell off…Oats was a bit crow-hoppy in the outdoor, but I brushed it off, until he was VERY humpy and crowhopping in the corners of the indoor. I immediately felt panicked…This is it, he’s going for a launch again..Just like what happened in the past. I was worried.

We pulled it together and worked over the two warmup fences twice, just to clear any residual concerns about his silly behaviour in the corners. Nicole counseled me to sit tall, and work to mitigate his silliness in the corners before he had a chance to act out. Easier said than done? Years of shows past where he completely launched me echoed in my head…

I’m not gonna lie, I was GRAY going in to my first round.

It was not a fabulous round. I rode extremely conservatively, and rather tensely as well. I didn’t give Oats as much freedom and leg as I should have (and could have). I rode deliberately for the short distance and he didn’t get a chance to act up.

Coming out, Nicole and Sarah said I looked better, and I said I felt a “bit” better but I was still riding very backwards, and constrained. Went in for round two and I couldn’t shake it! Still holding back, and very management-style riding. Oats was fine, and he was managing my silliness now…

Third round and I felt slightly better- it was my equitation round and I started coming out of it more and actually riding, instead of acting like a manikin. We even aced the trot fence that last show we completely bungled. Go us!

A LOOOONGG wait for the flat class and we kind bombed it. I’m not sure what the secret is for a great one (all the stars align?) but Oats was chargey and rude and kind of wanted to get crazy in the canter, but I held him firmly under wraps. Gak!

I started backpedaling like crazy after my flat class. Ambitiously (ok, ambitious for me, the wimp!) I had signed up for a single 2’3” class to round out my day. And then I immediately didn’t want to ride it…

I was cold, wet and it took forever for the 2” division to be over, due to the large number of entries. Still, Nicole was NOT. HEARING. IT. and basically forced me into the warm up ring for the 2’3” warm up. And you know what? Oats was GREAT in it!

I went in to the 2’3” class telling myself–this one I don’t give a shit. Go, finish your class and you’re done for the day. Who cares?!! And it was the BEST CLASS OF THE DAY!

True we had a moment of disunited canter when I thought – mistakenly- that we could get the change behind and boyyyy we sure didn’t. Ooops! But other than that I finally- finally, felt connected to Oats, and we were rockin’ it!

No silly humping or being a twit from Oats, no backwards riding from me. Just good, forward, getting it done!

I came out of the ring smiling. Smiling!! Me?! 

That, despite the ribbons for the day being kind of a wash (two 6th places, two 5th places, and a fourth), made me the happiest of the day. Heck, we did place even out of 14 riders in every one of our classes, so I’m not too sorry about the low-number ribbons. The fact that I didn’t want to, and then I did ride my best in my last class of the day, made all the difference to me.

I went the whole day waiting for that moment to happen. And then it did!