And we’re back!

After that strange and disturbing blip on the radar, I’m pleased to say that apparently Oats and I were having an off-day together…And my ride last night was fine, no drama. Strange, isn’t it?

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Get this feeling back!!

Oh well, I will accept it for what it is, and move on. A new day is a new ride.

We didn’t even end up doing too much last night, worked over a small cross-rail a few times, and practiced my eye over a pole on a circle- with mixed results. We finished up by working on my ‘100 trot-canter transitions’ (ok so not even close to 100, but I’m honestly trying hard to incorporate that work into every ride, no matter how much I kind of hate it…).

Oats was fine, I had a bit of a feeling like if I let him have any leeway, he’s get silly and looky, but we stayed focused and had no issues. Back to good ol’ Oats, the horse who was literally sleeping in front of the loudspeaker at the horse show- and it was LOUD! ?!!

Ah, horses. They make you crazy!

This weekend I think might be quieter- I have my parents moving to the island officially, and sadly, my friend’s father’s memorial ceremony on Saturday.

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Stay gone

So, after my spectacularly grouchy rage-flounce on Friday, how did the weekend go?

Well, fine I guess.

I spent Friday in a determined angry funk. Saturday was ok, nothing amazing happened and all of the events that got cancelled on Friday stayed cancelled, so I didn’t really do too much anyways.

I did go on a short run with my husband in the late afternoon Saturday- we did some hill work, which was pretty good, cold but good. Oats was fun to ride, though my shin took a beating when we misjudged a turn and took out a jump with my leg…Ouch! Have a bruise on there now, hahah.

Some light jumping, nothing too fancy, also some no-stirrup work which has me feeling pretty righteous actually!

Missing tail!

Missing tail!

Sunday- I came to the barn and to my ultimate dismay…Oats IS MISSING half his tail??!! ARGH. His neighbour horse-friend, Jim, is eating his freaking tail. ARGHHHHHHHH. It looks so goofy now. I talked it over with Jim’s owner and we will be addressing this with fencing when she has the $$ to put into more fencing. In the meantime…She braided his tail to keep it away from hungry hungry Jim, and I had my friend Emma braid it last night when I saw it had come loose again. Maybe move to keep it in a tail bag next? SIGH.

Close up of tail.

Close up of tail.

Oats also got a bit of jump torture on Sunday as well. I had a wild desire to jump the mounting block, so I set it up like a big arrow, and jumped him both ways–with the arrow, and against the arrow-head. He was quite amenable to jumping it with the arrow, but against it? WELL. He was very perplexed! He wiggled, wobbled, stopped. Was quite sure that this was wrong! This is not a jump!

Jump the mounting block? Sure!

Jump the mounting block? Sure!

I coaxed him over the arrow-head at a trot twice, and let him canter it in the direction he was most comfortable with–I wanted to leave it on a good note for a good pony. He did try hard, even though he was very confused with what I was asking him, haha.

Um, no.

Um, no.

Last night I had another session with my equine counselor, and we confirmed that I am on the right track. She said I’m at maybe 50% right now, and with time will gain my confidence back, slowly. I am developing a level of body awareness that feels really cool though, and I’m giving myself chances to make the right choice for me. Sometimes that means bowing out of jumping the course a second time, or maybe I do it, but I acknowledge how it makes me feel.

More and more, I feel like I can make things happen when I am riding, I have agency. They do not just ‘happen’ to me anymore. The great distances I’ve been getting? Making that happen by allowing Oats to move forward more freely. Basically, managing will be the name of the game and I will have to work on maintenance with this issue.

I love it, weirdly. I am creating my reality, rather than letting it steamroll over me as a victim.

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Don’t you know what regret looks like?

Don't you know what regret looks like?

Actually, despite my weirdly gloomy title, things are fine with Oats, and well, with life too!

I did feel a bit sad about the memorial I attended this weekend. It’s just hard. And I think it will continue to be hard for some time.

It made me thing, while I was furious at Oats for being a psycho at the show, does it really matter? I am lucky enough to ride my pony when I want, in good health both he and I. Occasionally we get to horse show! And when it goes well, that’s even more lucky! How great is that!?

So why do I constantly want more, get pissed off when it goes sideways, get so nervous my hands shake? Oh, that’s the million-dollar question.

But after the memorial, life is too short to get gloomy and down on myself for something I actually ENJOY doing. It’s tough, gritty and takes my breath away (when I end up holding it for an entire jumping round!!) but there’s nothing I can compare it to.

So, bad day at the show? Well, there’s always another chance. If you’re lucky enough to own a horse, you’re lucky enough.

Rode Oats for a bit in the outdoor yesterday and he was good as gold, I was VERY careful to not push him too hard- just a little bit of canter, trot one jump (that he cantered) and a bit of transition/trot work. He was so good!

Lessons this week- might do two!