What am I becoming?

Ah, I last left this blog on a Thursday and haven’t blogged in…Over a week.

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Sometimes the evacuees are bunnies!

Why? Not vacation, I can tell you!

I was deployed on the Friday to help with emergency communications in Prince George, a service I volunteered for from work. I received the call at 11am on Friday, and was on a 2:45pm flight to PG. (Sort of, it turned into a big debacle and we flew to PG, couldn’t land, flew back to Vancouver, caught the next flight back to PG, and ended up there at 10pm).

We worked until 1am that night. Hitting the ground running in a way, eh?

It was a challenging, life-changing and good experience. But it was exhausting, emotionally difficult, and a ton of work.

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At least I had the chance to have some great times with friends when I got back!

I got back home on Friday, and had great expectations for going riding when I got home. Yeah, that didn’t happen. I crawled into bed, feeling like I got hit with a ton of bricks. So exhausted. I didn’t get up until 4pm?! Riding happened on Saturday instead. Ha.

Oats…isn’t being super great. He’s pretty fine most times, and then other times has this massive demon-spook that is just INSANE. He has also been spooking at things that don’t normally bother him, like birds, squirrels, etc.??? He had a few big freakouts in the field, which is typically his happy place? He spooked so hard and flew backwards so violently that I pulled a muscle in my hip trying to stay on (I did..). Jesus.

At least I had a fairly decent dressage lesson last night, but it started off rough and I was in an absolutely terrible mood. I wanted to cry for most of it, until it smoothed out and he relaxed and gave up the resistance.

I am having an increasingly hard time breathing while I am running- so much so that I am struggling to breathe running a shorter distance (5k)?? It makes me feel panicky and trapped, like I am stuck in my own body and it’s betraying me somehow. Ugh, I hate it! I’m fine normally, it’s just when I am doing my long-distance running…And I am an experienced runner, so WTF? My lungs were checked relatively recently and they were fine, more than fine actually- superhuman. So …yeah. I now have an appointment with my doctor to see if I have a heart murmur or something that is causing this newfound breathing struggle.

I don’t want to collapse.

Anndd….I came back to work to find a lot of my dear friends and longtime colleagues got let go on Monday.

Lovely.

 

Sleeping lessons: Oats update

So, Wednesday and Thursday I rode Oats. Because we didn’t do our dressage lesson on Tuesday, I decided that Wed. would have more of a dressage focus, and we’d save the jumping for Thursday.

Blast from the past- 2011

Blast from the past- 2011

Because we did a TON of BIG STRONG canter on Tuesday, I focused on getting a bigger trot on Wednesday, with more connection, more ‘go’. We were able to ride with a friend, which was really nice- she’s lovely to ride with, super respectful of ring space and very arena-savvy. Oats was interested, but still responsive. I noticed he’s kind of clanking on his bit when I ask for more contact, so I think it might be time to get his teeth done!

Flashback to 2011

Flashback to 2011

Thursday, we did our jumping lesson. I’ve been having kind of a tough week, emotion-wise. Family problems are bubbling up, and it has been DIFFICULT. Work was also kind of insane this week, and I kind of felt like I was on the verge of a meltdown yesterday. I just felt sad, helpless, hopeless, depressed and anxious. Yeah, a perfect combination, eh?

Actually, Oats was a star for my lesson! Despite me feeling out of control emotionally and kind of a wreck the whole week, he has been solid as a rock. Good pony.

We worked over a two-stride x-rail to a small oxer, and then built it up to a small course. I only did the course once, after we schooled the two-stride a bunch of times (I was feeling overwrought but VERY pleased with his performance and decided to end it at one, before I fell apart.) The two-stride rode fairly ugly for a few times, then we took a break, and ACED it! It was sooo perfect.

We then worked over the course- the two-stride line, to a big x-rail on the diagonal, to a 5-stride line, rollback to the first jump in the line, back to the big x-rail, and then over a small oxer on the diagonal. Eight jumps total, and I was really happy with how cooperative Oats was. Go us!

It helped shake me out of my intense funk for the week, although I do have a bad habit of using riding, and running, to ‘escape’ from the overwhelming sadness I feel. If I’m busy, I don’t have to ‘feel’ quite as much.