Remember me

Had a pretty good riding week last week, despite it actually being kind of a washout, as far as real ‘riding work’ …We had to ride in the outdoor, because the indoor was being scraped and new footing added, so it was for a good cause! We all worked to rake down the new footing on Tuesday, and it was such good footing that by Thursday it was mostly ok to jump in! I didn’t think it would be, so I went to cancel my jump lesson- but happily we were able to keep it.

low course 1_Moment

I do miss jumping outdoors…

There were quite a few fireworks though, yiiikes. Oats is really good about that, but they were LOUD and going off right above his head. He was a little wigged out! Good for my lesson but up at the barn it was just so close and so loud. Can’t blame the little guy!

Thursday was also the first day that week we were cantering/jumping, ha. I don’t normally do that in the outdoor because the footing is just too deep for Oats and he struggles. I really don’t want him to get a tendon strain or something struggling in deep footing at this point. When it settles, then sure we can ride out there, and in the winter when they get lights up, bonus!

Our jump lesson featured trot-in gymnastics, which are normally the bane of my existence. This week, it was good! Smoother than normal, just pretty darn good for both of us. Yes!!

I didn’t ride on Friday because we were packing up and heading out to a house rental my friend booked in Sooke for a group weekend. We had a blast!! 🙂 Now I feel totally exhausted and can’t keep my eyes open/fingers typing…So tired… Ugh.

Cathartic

I’m not sure if it’s SAD or what (Seasonal Affective Disorder) but I sometimes feel like I was riding a real summer ‘high’ and now I’m falling into a fall ‘low’…

I’m riding through the tough stuff, but I find myself over sensitive to even the most basic things- small corrections at work? Stew and steam for awhile, longer than you should even be thinking about it… Had a shitty ride? Obsess over it. Plot, plan, scheme, whatever. I don’t think I should be necessarily feeling this way, but I am.

SAD-lights necessary? Quite possibly!

I had a good lesson yesterday actually. I was feeling a bit crabby (see above unreasonable responses to normal work situations) but I felt so hyper-focused in my lesson that it all kind of just…melted away… That’s not to say it was easy- it wasn’t- Oats tried to intimidate me out of asking what I was asking, but I didn’t let him, and we achieved some mini-breakthroughs. Phew!

I found this on the Chronicle of the Horse web forum, and it really resonated with me. I love jumping, riding, showing, etc. but it really takes it out of me. Sometimes it’s all I can do to show up! And this is something I LOVE!

A lot of amateurs spend a great deal of their riding time pushed to their limits. It is a great privilege and stroke of luck (which could be taken away by a bad fall) if you are able to canter around serenely well within your own comfort zone. Many more people spend a lot of time persevering and continuing to show up to the barn despite the fact that, a lot of time when they are on a horse, they are afraid. Sure, I get to come to the barn and not spend 90% of my lessons battling fear or anxiety, but this is not true for everyone. They are scared but they are DOING IT ANYWAY.

Half the time they would NEVER be doing what you are asking them to do of their own accord or without you there, but because they want to learn to ride worse than they are afraid they put essentially blind faith in you, rustle their brass ones together, and still try to do everything their brain is screaming at them to for the love of God not do. I feel the same way when one of my trainers put the jumps up two more and wider for the nth time, but because he is expert at pushing people to the limit but never over, the scope of my limits expand in his presence.

(Meanwhile, I feel the same way rarely, when the jumps have exceeded a certain size, and those moments serve to really reinforce my respect for people who feel that way most of the time, about stuff like ‘cantering’, and still want to ride worse than they are afraid. That takes BALLS and tremendous determination, and I am not sure I would continue with the sport if I had to always ride at my limit. So I really respect those who do. You cannot be brave if you are not afraid in the first place.)

It’s crazy. So why do we do it in the first place? Because when I’m feeling blah, having a blah day, feeling crabby and out of sorts…Going to the barn and having a super-focused ride that leaves me feeling cathartic is what I need the most. Even if I am on the edge of comfort (and over that edge) for most of it. I deal with fear a lot, and extreme performance anxiety- to the point where I let it take over for me and I’m drifting around on-course, or tuning out in a dressage ride.

I hope to be ‘more present’ jumping and riding. That’s all I can hope for sometimes!