When your life resumes (sort of)

At least my riding lessons are back on! Yes!

I ran my shoulder into a telephone pole a few weeks ago. Totally an accident but ouch! 

But with the resuming of some ‘normal’ activities comes roaring back all of my previous concerns/issues. Footing in the indoor.  Horses not being turned out enough. The outdoor is kaput, at least for this season? UGH.

I told my husband that I want to just buy a farm and deal with all this myself, dammit!

Ian made bagels and they were great! 

Otherwise…Address what I can, and then see what I can manage or not manage. Oats has been great otherwise, we had a return to lessons last week (jumping and dressage!) and I was really able to address our warm-up issues in a way that felt both calming, and productive. Go us! Phew!

I felt rusty as all hell but otherwise? Pretty darned good. Oats is moving great, I’m very pleased with that. I missed my trainers like crazy too. All the drama, angst, moving, rude and horrible boarders and COVID 19 and just…Man. My trip to Argentina  (haaaaaaaaa) not a thing anymore, summer holidays..?? Just. ARGH.

Oats has enjoyed lots of hand grazing, now that I work from home during this time and I have no commute! 

It still feels like some of my life is on hold, and will remain so.

Ian and I are able to get a lot of cool runs done throughout areas locally, and in the Cowichan Valley and I feel extremely grateful that we are able to do so with ease. Same with riding- at least I can do it? Despite all the ‘should I stay or go’ angst that continues to plague us?

I miss horse shows, friends, races, travel…Happy hours are coming back, and so are hair cuts, but the other stuff? Nope.

Ian and I are forced to be creative with our time, so we do a lot of running, food projects, and some creative projects too- like water colours.

This is a long and strange time, and I didn’t want to blog about it because all I felt was gloom and doom. I don’t really feel that anymore, but I do feel like I’m in this strange limbo where everyone is acting like normal, but behind the act is a lot of anxiety and uncertainty.

But since it’s going to be awhile, I might as well come back for now.

Alone time

Took last night off from riding, to give Oats a day off, and I got a text from a friend asking if I was heading to the stables. I responded no, and I was immediately wondering what was up…My friends do look to/expect me there on Mondays but won’t text if I’m not, so I knew something was going down.

Willie would let Oats disrobe him, and play bite face all day.

And it was. It was really bad. Our mutual friend’s horse, who had been recovering from a lameness (from a kick or something. X-rayed and everything, which were clear), had a broken leg.

😦

That is every horse person’s worst nightmare, along with colic, or what I had- when Oats choked and went into shock.

I was stunned. This is her horse, who I have known for 8 years. He is Oaty’s best friend, his horse neighbour, his buddy. He is my friend’s competition partner, her friend, her companion. They had their ups and downs- who doesn’t? But to have this happen, oh man.

Apparently he had a hairline fracture that did not show up on the X-rays, took a funny step, and BOOM! A broken leg. Everyone is just devastated. How terrible. Incidents like this really bring it home to me, to every horse person. Life is so fragile, and can change in an instant. Horses are not the everlasting, sturdy pains in the asses that we so often rely on. They break, sometimes forever.

It reminds me that the time I have with Oats is precious. I have been feeling that way more and more lately. A few months ago I would finish a ride or a lesson, take Oats back up to the crossties, and want to cry- not because I felt unhappy, but because this all felt so fleeting, there are no guarantees. And I want a guarantee. I love him so much, and it feels so tenuous, risky, vulnerable. Like wearing your heart outside your body.

I feel sad as a reflection of what is happening to my friend. I feel lucky because I’m not having to face it myself.

What’s life without losers

Last week…Well, let’s wipe it off the map and start over, shall we?

Same girl, same.

I spent the majority of the week feeling HORRIBLE. Insane bloating that would come on later in the afternoon, cramping from hell so severe that I couldn’t sleep, was writhing in pain for days, painkillers couldn’t even remotely touch it, I took so many that I got sick… And had what felt like a fever by Thursday. It had gotten THAT bad. Very reminiscent of the episode in May, where I was so sick/cramping that I couldn’t function.

So, that was great (sarcasm)… And anyways, just miserable.

I didn’t have my lesson on Thursday because it was basically a monsoon, and the arenas were closed due to the resurfacing of the outdoor arena- (thank god, because I couldn’t stand up without feeling faint or like I was going to puke), and we are rescheduled for this week.

Oats: Oh, hey…You’re here early today? 

I’m still injured, just had my last day of shockwave today! The three-week countdown is ON! I also cancelled my marathon. I still have to wait out about three weeks…When my marathon was supposed to be in a month. HAH, life, you really screwed me BUT good this time!!

Fortunately amidst all this bitching, Oats has been a very good boy and a real joy to ride. Love him!!! 🙂 And I had a nice weekend, the weather was not great, but I had time to enjoy a cocktail and dinner with a friend on Friday night at Chorizo & Co., and then time for a nice Tod Creek cider (blueberry! Highly recommend!) with my husband in the afternoon on Saturday. All in all, a quite and pleasant weekend.

I am in love

My colleague just got a new puppy. I love him sooo much! Adorable! I just want to snuggle and hug the new puppy. He is just the cutest little snug bug.

 

Le me be mine

No jump lesson this week, as my trainer wasn’t feeling well and had to cancel. Bummer! But oh well, I used this opportunity to tune up Oats, and again kind of wished I was riding with a friend or in a lesson- I let his kind of ‘blah’ reactions colour our ride, and I wasn’t super thrilled with my personal riding, OR how I was reacting. UGH! Why do I have to keep picking at him?

Who doesn’t love a good Oats?

I know my counselor has mentioned that these weird perfectionist drives will still resurface for me, but I always think I’ve got it licked…And then it bubbles up and ruins my ride. I want a strong relationship with my horse- NOT an angsty one. So I can’t continue to ride like he owes me something–he doesn’t. He’s a horse, and I love our partnership.

I’m looking forward to my lesson tonight, just to regain some perspective under the watchful eye of my trainer (dressage tonight). I think it’s crucial that when we ride, we do so without emotions–and for some reason, I was feeling edgy and tense last night. Oh well, I have to move on from it, and understand that this CAN bubble up, but I can choose to not engage- like I unfortunately did yesterday.

Also a friend of mine got slammed through the x-tie boards yesterday, thanks to the horse she was leasing- he had a ‘moment’ ??? No idea what happened, but he violently swung his butt and basically pushed her straight through and she broke the board with her stomach. OUCH.

I checked in with her today and she is okay- no internal bleeding, just some impressive bruising. Jesus! Maybe that was why my ride went from ‘ok’ to ‘tense and angsty’…I know I am sensitive to accidents and have anxiety/fear about them. Yikes, it was just awful.

 

My review: Tim Horton’s Love Reese’s to Pieces doughnut & brownies

My lovely friend Lindsay bought me both the Love Reese’s doughnut and the brownies last month from Tim Horton’s, and they were both great! And now I am sharing the favour with reviews of both. Starting with the doughnut…

Now, doughnuts from Tim Hortons automatically get marked down by me, because they are like the lowest-common denominator in sweet snack foods. They barely try at all, and it’s like well, better than nothing I guess but also pretty much EVERY doughnut out there is better than theirs. So… yeah. I ate the Reese’s doughnut gratefully (who am I to turn my nose up at doughnuts) and I remembered the last time I bought a Reese’s doughnut, I was bitter and appalled because it was a SHAM – it was a paltry Boston Crème doughnut with like, a few mini Reese’s peanut-butter cups on top. Pfft!

Happy to say that this one is no sham doughnut masquerading as a delicious doughnut- it has really good peanut butter filling it! And the toppings are tasty as well, chocolate glaze with Reese’s Pieces. My only quibble that takes it from being an amazing must-buy: There is not nearly enough peanut butter filling in it, and it’s in the end still a Tim Horton’s doughnut- too flimsy, makes you think you’re eating mega-calorie air and not at all satisfying. Plus I have a history with their old Reese’s doughnut, so I do hold that against them.

Now, the brownies…

So good. Must buy. The portion sizing is generous, you get two squares which was perfect for eating one before my riding lesson and one after. Genius! The texture is fantastic, it doesn’t taste like slightly stale air like all Tim Horton’s doughnuts seem to, and best of all it is soooo peanut-buttery! The icing is amazing, smooth mix of chocolate-peanut butter and really makes the brownie. Top notch! It is worth the calories–have no idea what the count is, but if it’s like all fast food (fat food) it’s probably heinous– and I loved it. Rich, so the two squares are a great idea, and offers some semblance of portion control.

My advice? Ditch the doughnut and go all in for brownie. Actually consider that my advice for life.

Your Best American Girl

So, yeah. What happened was…

• I got deployed to assist with wildfire emergency communications in Prince George again. So, two weeks out of my summer were up there.
• When I got home, I was immediately on vacation, that started horribly and tragically. It wasn’t good.
• Got back from vacation, and still had some time off, so I mourned Buster, rode Oats, rode in a lesson, prepared for a dressage show on Saturday, and rode in a polo ‘slow chukka’
• And now I am back at work, with a dressage lesson tonight, a successful dressage show in the books, and a polo night tomorrow, with jumping on Thursday.

The show went super well, it was just a scored ‘ride a test’ where you ride the test, the judge comes out to run you through some exercises based on what she saw during the test, and then you had an opportunity to try the test again, maybe improve on what you worked on.

I did Training 2 & 3, and this time I finally had the correct Training 3 test (unlike last time, where I was kind of a disorganized mess…) and things went SO well. Oats was a tad spooky in the beginning but it was easily worked through and he gave me some really quality and consistent work.

And our tests were scored fairly, the judge was so nice and very complimentary. She said we should be doing First Level, so I am going to talk to my dressage trainer tonight to see what she says. I was immensely flattered! Just to think, Oats and I getting these kind comments!

I’ve really been basking in kind judge comments. Our first dressage show of the season, the judge even wanted to know what kind of pony Oats was! 🙂

For a girl that prefers jumping, I am starting to wonder if I should be taking dressage a little more seriously or what these days? I am seeing some real progress with Oats in it.

Happy Valentine’s Day weekend

A very laid-back weekend, which was fine by me but a bit tame, nonetheless…

Each Valentine’s Day, I like to curate vintage cards. This year is a hotdog theme.

Saturday I shared the arena with a lesson, and Oats was very cute. He was breaking into trot from the canter (argh!) but I kind of blame my inconsistent riding for that. We cruised over an x-rail the lesson was working over and he was lovely over it…Though his penchant for taking flyers definitely came back with it, he just can’t take them seriously!

Went for a run (wanted to do a long run but it was pouring rain, gaag) just over 9.7km after riding and yeah, it was…special. So special.

We wrapped up the day by preparing dinner for my friend who experienced a horrible tradgedy, and brought it to her house. It felt nice to do a good deed, and she’s going through a really, really difficult time right now, so I hope when she is able, we can spend some time together.

Sunday (Valentine’s day!), headed off to the barn again and did a fairly tough dressage school with Oats. He got very sweaty! He was somewhat compliant, though I think he kept looking at the very inviting little mini jumps set up and thinking…why aren’t we just doing those instead??

Finished the day by running some hills, feeling like I was going to puke the whole time. ARGH! Remind me to never eat that much rice noodle stirfry with chilis and then run…Too much. Way too much. God..my stomach was messed up the whole night from that barf-inducing experience.

We wrapped up V-day by getting two lobsters and a sack of clams, and a bottle of Prosecco. My husband even surprised me with a box of ginger chocolate Purdy’s to finish it off! Yum!

When bad things happen to good people

I don’t want to write a lot about this, mainly because it’s not my story to tell. But I can’t just let it go on and leave everything ‘sunshiney’ and happy, because that’s not life and it’s not reality. My friend’s parents were recently involved in a tragic accident and her father passed away.

I found out shortly after finishing my race up in Cedar, and was in shock when I found out. These were great lovely people, who I knew through living with my friend on and off over the years. Fun, adventure-loving parents who meant the world to their daughters. They had retired and were living the life! And then this happens.

I have been sharing what happened with others close to me (my sister, my parents, my husband) because I feel like I can’t shoulder this news myself. I need others to hear it, hear what happened and understand. It’s so very sad, and sudden, and horrible.

It feels like these things happen in waves, and it seems so strange to me that the people close to me are caught in this wave. My heart goes out to my friend and her sister, who are facing this heartbreaking reality day-to-day. In just one day, one moment, their lives were changed forever.

I want to help, want to make a difference, but don’t want to interfere or anything.

Stress…

Some people think if they let stress run their lives it will make things seem more urgent and important and dramatic. We’ve all seen people like this — they’re often movie characters in fast paced romantic comedies set in big office buildings; the person who thinks their life looks more important if they always have their hands full and are juggling tasks and talking severely to too many people at once, trying to make sure everyone notices how complicated their life is. If you like that kind of drama then go for it, but it’s almost always unnecessary and a waste of effort and energy. Just because life feels stressful doesn’t mean we need to act stressed out.

Some wisdom from the party king himself, Andrew W.K.

And it’s true. I can’t emphasize it enough. Even when I’m super busy and yes ‘stressed’ out at work, there is ALWAYS enough time to be a friend, be nice, and not snap at the dog/husband/riding instructor/friend.

Newsflash- everyone’s busy. You don’t have the edge on ‘busy’ you just think you do. And how you manage your time says more about you than being ‘busy’ does.

Reminds me of a former boss, who used to brag about coming in to the office at 6am and leaving at 7pm. His boss (the higher-higher up) said she’d be more impressed if he came in at 10am and left at 2pm. See how that works?

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