If people were truthful on Facebook

(Stole these from the Chronicle of the Horse. Too funny to pass up!)
 
I admit I am guilty of sugar-coating things, or only posting positive life events. Hey, we’re all spin doctors of our own lives, right? I’m just ensuring the ‘right’ PR goes forward. Without further ado..
 
To my adequate husband, on this the anniversary of our marginally-well-thought-out wedding, I thank you for five tolerable years. Not a day goes by in which I don’t congratulate myself for resisting the urge to throttle you. Hugs and kisses, your wife.
 

Dear Facebook friends: thanks so much for all of your heartfelt two-word birthday wishes on my wall. Especially those of you whom I’ve never met but who work with my ex-officemate’s brother-in-law. I’m truly blessed to have you in my life, even if I couldn’t pick some of you out of a police lineup (love those cartoon profile pictures!).

 

Wow, Penelope. Your baby has grown so much since you posted a video of her yesterday. She is just galloping past those milestones! I’ll be away from my desk for a few minutes and my Facebook iPhone app has been squidgy lately, so please text the next video to me. I can’t bear to go more than a couple of hours without an update. Please also use seven exclamation points and three lols in the text. 

 
True eh?