Not Myself

Having another ‘bummed, bummed, bummed, bummed’ day. The weather is GORGEOUS and amazing and I want to run and ride alll day in it, and yet I’m in the freaking doldrums right now? How? Why? How?

I was on top of the world!

Let’s start with my mysterious hip/groin/leg pain. Still there, still very painful. I ran home yesterday and it felt like my pelvic floor was going to fall out. Lovely. Because I am a stubborn bugger, I also ran to work today: More of the same. What’s that thing about insanity..something something? UGHHH.

I mean it! On top! (Photo courtesy of MEC Victoria).

I did go to the doctor’s today and it took forever but I have requisitions for an x-ray and blood test, both of which I am going to do this week. Round and round and round we go! What the diagnosis is, nobody knows!!

Things were going SO well! 

I missed my lunch workout, because of being at the doctors (yay…not.) but that’s ok, because I am in a terrible mood, still in some measure of pain (try standing on one leg to put shoes on, I dare you body!) and then got some more bad news re- husband. Man, when they pick a day to shit on you, they sure do pick the same day! (Not husband himself, just he got some crappy news and I feel bad for him, on his behalf).

Having just the BEST times! 

So…yeah. I am taking advil like it’s my actual job, and trying not to think angry thoughts about the world. I had a fantastic couple of months, so when the hits keep coming, I want to come back to those days when I was on top of the freaking world, instead of slowly being ground under it instead. Sigh.

This was like, as recently as last week too, hahah.
Dammit, how things change quickly!

 

No one wants it to happen to you

Ah, this week has not started well. Actually, the down slope started this weekend when my car started it’s twice-yearly breaking down/stutter process. By Saturday it was full on busted- hard to drive, hard to get going again from stop lights and scaring the shit out of me! UGH not AGAIN.

Mr. Oats has a doppelganger! Meet the new pony Daisy.

I had a lesson with Oats on Saturday and I was in a miserable mood, worried and kind of freaking out about how I was going to drive home with my car like this… Anyways the lesson was challenging and kind of awkward and frustrating. Like how my life is right now, ha. Mirroring much? I didn’t love it but I guess that’s just where we are right now–facing challenges.

I was complaining about my car on Friday night at my friend’s birthday (Bin 4 Burgers- love it!!) and my horse friend and her husband CAME TO MY HOUSE after riding on Saturday to help me fix it. WOW!!! Faith in humanity= restored. They did me the hugest favour, I couldn’t have even asked someone to go above and beyond like that. 🙂 A silver lining in all of this car-related misery.

Sunday my friend and I were going to go to take the horses to the beach, but the weather went to shit and it was raining, cold and lousy. Instead we rode together, and her husband picked up the part for my car I ordered that morning, and he fixed it. And it ran again!!! Hallelujah!! I also rode her horse Donato and it was just hilarious. He is so huge!

Monday brought some more bad news, some bad things happening to those close to me. It made me feel very sad and overwhelmed. I had an equine counseling session that night, because last week I could just *feel* that there was something left that needed to be brought up. I had a great week last week but had this constant, nagging ‘sense’ that I was fragile, vulnerable, ready to cry – like a turtle missing their shell, you know?

So we had the session, and we brought it up to process- and it wasn’t pretty but it needed to be done. I’m processing something bigger that is affecting me, and it has to happen.

Tuesday I was in a better mood and felt less vulnerable and less prone to crying. More level-headed, if I might say so. Though I was just exhausted. Running felt like I was running through sand. So tired. My ride on Oats was great though, fun and pretty easy, laid-back. So tired.

And today? Still on the tired side but not as bad as yesterday. No riding, Oats and I get the day off!