I found this quote, from the War of Art, and found it very interesting, profound and quite applicable to basically anyone’s life.
Most of us have two lives, the lives we live and the unlived lives within us. What stands between the two is Resistance. Resistance is invisible. Resistance is from within. Resistance will tell you anything to keep you from your work. Resistance is always lying and always full of shit. Resistance is not out to get you personally no more than the weather. The more Resistance we feel towards something, the more important it is that we do it. Resistance doesn’t go away. Resistance only obstructs from a lower path to a higher path. Procrastination is the most common way Resistance manifests. This second, we can sit down and do our work. Creating drama is a symptom of Resistance. Resistance feels like unhappiness. A low-grade misery pervades everything. We’re bored, we’re restless. Resistance only recognizes power.
Mine in part too. Why do I want to do something, and am very good at self-motivating, and so bad at doing other things? To take that a bit further- I have goals in my recreational life (horses/running) that require MORE of me. Why am I reluctant to give that?
I had a good jump lesson last night that took me a bit further, and yes my heart was kind of in my throat. I had dry mouth, and felt anxious. But this was what I wanted, more than anything! So why do I try anything in my power to avoid it, at the same time?
We worked over a small cross-rail, to another cross-rail. We built that up to a 3-stride line made up of a cross-rail to a small oxer. Then, a course! Then…The course got built up, and in my brain, that’s where the wheels start falling off.
The first course? No sweat! The second course? *gulp* Start chipping!!! Don’t release as well as you were! Second guess yourself!!
But you know what? Oats remained steadfast throughout. I was very impressed at his ability to keep going, and ignoring whatever was going on in my brain. Yes, this was the first solid 2’3”-2’6” course we’ve done in, oh, forever, but it doesn’t have to be dramatic!
We finished on a very good approach to the 2’6” jump, and jumped it perfectly. To me, that was the biggest success of all- I managed to hold it together, and we did it! It sure wasn’t pretty, or very nice at times, and I did get flustered, and for some reason had a hard time sitting up around the corners (I swear to god, it felt like my upper body was being magnetically drawn to Oat’s neck?!!) and we kind of went off course a few times due to my flustered behaviour, but it was a good. solid.learning.experience. And I’ll take it!
And if I have to circle, or gallop the long side to re-approach a fence I kind of blew at, that’s ok too. Horses are forgiving, and Oats is more talented than I give him credit for.