This week has been challenging, but in a different way. Last week felt like full-on emotional crisis mode, with a lot of downs and sadness. I felt more like myself when I was doing things ‘for me’ like my riding lessons, hanging out with Oats, my husband (even though I got mad at him for no real reason sometimes) and running.
This week, my riding has been pretty good (not amazing, but when is life always amazing?) My lessons have been tough but fair, I am learning and dealing. My new boots are killing my feet, so I am taking those to cobbler today to make them less hellish to deal with.
Now I wish I could take my life to a cobbler, patch up the hole that I feel right now. It’s not the urgent-sadness of last week, it’s more of a resigned tear in myself, one that family usually fills when you’re not really thinking of them. It’s an absence?
But, I’m keeping on, and trying not to let it get to me. It’s weird- should I feel more sad? More mopey? Or better at just going ahead and living? I feel better when I do things for me, and get annoyed when it feels like people are just going on and on, ‘rehashing’ problems. Newsflash- while extremely tempting, reviewing the same problem doesn’t help you.
Anyways, Oats was good for my jump lesson yesterday, and I felt fairly relaxed. Something about keeping jumps low and non-confrontational is really doing wonders for my confidence! He was a bit slow and balky though, and that made my straightness really suffer. Wonder of wonders, when he was forward and better off my leg, we nailed every distance to every fence. HA!
So this weekend, I am running away a bit from my life, and going surfing in Tofino. A bit of a girls’ surf trip weekend, again.
I’m quite looking forward to it, even as a bit of an escape from reality. Work has been extra tough this week too, with two events next week back-to-back. Can’t I catch a bit of a break sometimes? Oh well!