So, I’m feeling like I need a win this week.
Having kind of a rough go of it…Some things petty and weird, some genuinely sad.
Shall I start with the petty? I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday and hated it. I had to go back to work after and got a voice mail about a dentist appt. next week, at the bright shining hour of 7:30 am. ARGH. I felt immediately put-upon by life. And let’s face it, the medical profession- dentist/dr in general. BLAH.
I went out and bought a diabetes-inducing Oreo doughnut from Tim Hortons and a mocha. And kind of regretted it later, but enjoyed it at the time.
Had a riding lesson with Karen Brain last night and felt like nothing Oats and I were doing was right. In my head, I know we are going through a rough spot, and things sure as hell aren’t ‘pretty’ at the moment, but STILL. JESUS. so ugly. GAHHHH
And here’s the genuinely sad (yes the horse thing was still in ‘petty’ but annoying). My grandfather is dying of cancer, run rampant in his body. We literally just found out this month, when we were preparing to fly to NYC. It was very sudden, and now he’s going into hospice or palliative care. I called my mom who is visiting him while I was at the barn, and spoke with her and then with him. She was upset, crying. He sounded like he always did. For some reason, that made me feel even more upset.
Our family has it’s fair share of issues, I haven’t seen him in many years- for a reason. But still, I wouldn’t wish suffering on people like that, ever.
I feel like I can’t make the right move this week, for anyone, or anything. It makes me feel lousy, small, sad. It’s so sunny and bright out, and I can’t get my head in the game for anything right now. Maybe I should have gone to visit him, but I also can’t deal with it, that level of extreme sadness.
I guess I just need a win this week.