Now Wait For Last Year

Now Wait For Last Year

Another year, another graduation. It feels like only last fall I was finishing up my Master’s degree, and now husband is finished his.

I like convocations to come at the end of the semester, because it feels like a natural bookend, a closure-event.

And this was no exception- it’s a time to move on, to put things behind and see what the future holds.

At the banquet offered by his school of business, one of his professors stood up and spoke. While I was mostly tuning out the other speakers (I want to write ‘talkers’ because that’s kind of what the day felt like), this professor was different. I agreed with what he was saying, and it was really engaging. He was interesting. What did he say, that so resonated with me?

We can’t mark time by years passing- we just get older. The Greeks had two definitions of time: Kronos (normal time marked by seconds/minutes/hours) and Kathos (I think that’s how it is spelled?) which is time marked by events in which you, for that period of time, are true to yourself. You are glorious, you encompass all, you are yourself in that moment. And the beauty of Kathos-time, is that as you age- you have many experiences in that time. So, growing older is a good thing, it means you have enjoyed many moments of Kathos time in which you were truly yourself.

That did resonate with me. He also spoke of our many ‘selves’ and how conflict can come about when our ‘selves’ do not match up or align. Sometimes they are a bit off- hell, always, but in the major cases? That’s when relationships end, new relationships start, jobs end, new jobs start, and you move houses/states/countries. Change is hard.

I think for the most part my ‘selves’ are aligned – who I see myself as, how others see me, and how I want to be seen.

I struggle sometimes with who I see myself as, and how I actually am. I want to be a writer and publish a book, I want to be a great hunter/jumper rider who soars confidently over fences. In reality? I have NOT published a book- nor have the inclination to right now- but am still jealous about others who have. And I struggle DAILY with fear- fear of jumping, embarrassment, horse show pressures.

So, no, I am not wholly aligned. But the beauty of that is that in my experiences (riding, writing, even work sometimes), is that I am experiencing Kathos-time. Time when I am most MYSELF!


2 thoughts on “Now Wait For Last Year

  1. Recall the 3 seemingly paradoxical maxims: 1) To find happiness we must not seek it 2) To go places we need to learn to stand still 3) To be a specialists, you need to be a bit of a generalist
    Quite possibly the best stuff I took away from 18 months education.


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